In The Life and Mind of Michael

haha glitch..

2012-01-31T18:29:00.003-07:00

ok. theres a glitch. im feeling better. however. i havent been exercising very much. Havent had the time. School has been grueling. Its hard to eat healthy when youre stressed, tired, and emotional haha! all ya want is food and goodies! Today i made a coconut dough cookie with oatmeal, coconut and big chocolate chips! Mmm!! so good. they arent helping my cause. I need motivation. Oh well. Maybe once school ends i can get back on track haha. Love my life.

Day 1:

2012-01-25T19:06:00.003-07:00

Ok. Last night I went to the gym. I did hamstrings, quads, glutes, chest, biceps, and abs. I then did the bike for 30 minutes then relaxed in the sauna for another half hour. Today... I had a V8 for breakfast. A jamba jiuce for lunch. I then had some chicken nuggets and a double stack from Burger King. I then got a cookie at ruby snaps! For dinner. Suagr free pudding and chili :) Today was half good half ok. Can only get better from here.

PS. NEW HAIRCUT TODAY!!! i feel amazing.

My Life Is Out Of Control.

2012-01-24T22:29:00.003-07:00

The title of this blog says it all. No more. I am tired of not feeling good enough. Im tired of being in pain. Im tired of stress, suffering, and hard emotions. I am going to become who I want to be. I am in control of my life.

I will get in better shape. I will start blogging my success and results. I am going to be more spiritual. I am going to do better in school. I am going to run my life how it makes me the happiest.

Heres to the future. Im off work, and heading to the gym :)

New Year. New Experiences. New Me.

2012-01-04T13:11:00.003-07:00

New Years Resolutions... they are some of my favorite things. I love setting new goals! I recently havent been the best at doing them. This morning when I woke up I felt different. I realized I need to change my life around. As much as I love my life... Im not where I want to be in it. I want to improve. I need to improve. You only live once. Dont settle for mediocrity as Darin W. said in his talk on sunday. What an amazing talk that was. He told many stories that hit hard on my heart. I have been living like Simon and Tumba. I have been content just living to be happy. I need to change. I need to do whats right and important, even if its not the most fun or desirable! Life isnt all about you. Life is a reality game show... the prize for completing it.. eternal life.
I was watching Fear Factor the other night... I decided life is like Fear Factor. You have to overcome some of the most trying and painful obstacles and tasks in hopes of winning at the end. No we dont have to eat pig hearts or jump out of helicopters... but we have to overcome addictions... temptations... fears... trials. In my opinion... if Eternal Life could be obtained by eating shit from a bull... id do it. I would MUCH rather eat or do something horrid to obtain it than the day to day suffering with the constant pressures from Satan. I would tell Satan to go to hell... but he's already there. haha! So, now I just gotta make sure Im not making the decisions that send me there to join him!! With that in mind here are my New Years Resolutions!!!

2012 New Year's Resolutions:

1.) Run 1000 miles in total this year. (about 20 miles a week)
2.) Beat my fastest time in a marathon.
3.) Travel somewhere different.
4.) Read my scriptures atleast once a week. (seems weak... but its better than nothing! baby steps people...)
5.) Go to the temple once a month.
6.) Make a new friend.
7.) Resisting the urges of my natural man.
8.) Go on one date a month.
9.) No more pop.
10.) No eating after 8pm.

Well... There you have it. My goals for 2012. I hope that with this I will become a better friend, a better servant, and a better looking man ;) Here's to 2012!! May it bring new experiences, new people, new favorites, and be the BEST YEAR YET!!!

Looking Back On 2011.

2012-01-04T12:10:00.005-07:00

I am in a dangerously contemplative mood today. I dont know why this mood has consumed every inch of my body, but regardless, it has. Deal with it. Looking back on the old year I had some amazing memories and experiences. Just to name a few and in no particular order they are...

1.) Watching Maria Sharapova LIVE!!! I was three feet away from her at one point. I got to watch her play three times as well as warm up at the BNP Paribas Open in Indian Wells, CA. Incredible!! Maria Sharapova has been my favorite tennis player for 9 years. While at the tournament I got the signatures of several tennis players. It was a dream.

2.) Running the Salt Lake Marathon in 3 hours 3 minutes. Personal best. What made it even sweeter is the fact that I dominated the guy I used to sit by in psychology. He always came into class with his perfect body and tiny legs wearing the latest jogging outfits. Rich boy. Insanely nice and genuine guy... but the kind thats so irritatingly perfect you almost hate them. Yeah... I killed him at the race. It was amazing to cross the finish line, eat, rest, then when walking out to the car seeing him come in for the half mile stretch :) muahaha!!

3.) Having my boys come home from their missions!!! For two years I faithfully wrote Ryan, Matt, Mark, and Cameron!! THEYRE HOME!!! Life has been so good with them back.

4.) Meeting David Mann and CJ Hanson. They have been two very important guys in my life. David and I became friends at Ryans homecoming party. He and I just clicked right off the bat. Instant buds! We have partied and rocked it out ever since. I love the fact that he likes a lot of the things I do and owns up to it! As for CJ, well, he's just simply incredible. I havent had a friendship like his... ever. We became best friends over night. He is a blast. We're so similar but with good differences. I love you guys!!

5.) Receiving a 4.0 at the U this year :)

6.) My summer getaway trip with my best friend DeeDee Smith! We went to St. George over the Fourth of July weekend. It was soooo much fun!! We did mini photo shoots in the hotel room, swam in the pool, and ate some pretty delicious foods. My favorite part is that DeeDee isnt afraid to be spontaneous with me! We pulled off the road twice to take random photos together haha! It was a hoot. We drank Diet Coke the whole way there and back. We even created an inside joke that made us laugh until we both had tears down our faces. I love you DeeDee. Best Friends for 9 years and going strong.

7.) Indian Wells trip with Ryan Nelson.... FREAKING AMAZING!!!! Probably one of the best vacations of my life. We had agreed to make it super cheap... and spur of the moment. If we wanted to do something.. we'd do it. We made the 10.5 hour drive down... almost running out of gas completely on the way!! We had to drive all around some creepy mountain and town in Nevada. Barely made it. We sang like fools and ate lots of goodies and sandwiches! We arrived and spent the first day doing some grooming. I did a total body shave down and i believe he just shaved his legs. We tanned by the pool. Shopped in 115 degree heat. Went to the movies. Went to an incredible modern art gallery in palm springs. We also took a day to go out to LA and Venice Beach. WHAT A BLAST!! A bird took a shit on me when i was sun bathing... NO I DID NOT NEED YOUR SUNBLOCK YA DAMN SEAGULL!!!! the australians laughed at me.... :( Anyways. We stayed up late watching movies, eating pudding, chocolate chips, and drinks! What an incredible trip. Love ya Ryan. This summer... were doing another one!

8.) The trip to Moab where I was scarred for life. Ryan, Allie, Lindsy, and myself... we all go down to moab with random friends. basically watched a girl jump off a cliff into shallow waters and shater both her heels. Disgusting!!!! Blood was everywhere. Bones sticking out. Traumatizing!!!

9.) Trip to Park City with David, Mietra, and Cheri. Hahaha!! One of THE funnest over night trips. We hot tubbed. Went out to eat. We then played hide and seek in the condo! Felt like a kid again. It was refreshingly awesome!!!

10.) Got hired by the Deseret News. I LOVE MY JOB!!!

11.) Goofy photo shoot with Mady. It was our date. We shopped at the DI and bought the most hideous outfits on earth. Pretended to be married and went into Sears photo studio. We got some photos done together. They make my day every time i see them! What a fun day!

12.) My surprise party. This was the BEST birthday I've ever had in my life. Matt Brown threw me a party with the help of some others. DeeDee and Mady helped with a HUGE gift surprise. Mark and Lauren made me THE coolest tennis ball cupcakes and tennis court cake! I was overwhlemed by so many friends coming and being with me on my special day. It was wonderful. Quite possibly one of the best days of the year. Thank you again Matt. Youll never know how much that meant to me.

13.) Purchasing new photography equipment! This big purchase will really help me push my photography business further!

14.) Becoming better friends with Kelli and Jordan Brough :) It has been such a good year with them as friends. theyve been there for me through so much. I love you guys! Indoor surfing was one of the funnest activities I've ever done!

15.) Tried sushi and raw fish for the first time!! Discovered I am allergic to raw fish and that I HATE seaweed! haha! At the same time... I learned I like teriyaki tofu :)

16.) Discovering RubySnaps!!! BEST COOKIES ON EARTH!!!! I go there tooo often. Thank you Tami for creating the ultimate comfort treat. I love you.

17.) Quitting at Maceys :)

18.) I achieved the fittest body Ive ever had at one point in the summer. I looked GOOD! I need to get back to that and make it even better!

19.) Trip up to see Ryan twice this year. Both times were a BLAST!! The first time just us boys kicked it. We watched funny videos on youtube.. cooked spaghetti and saw a concert by Sean Kingston!! I was a little disappointed but it was still fun! The second time David, CJ, and myself went up to party with Ryan. We cleaned the sink at Angies? I think thats what it was called. We went to parties and played bean bag toss and just dance. It was a good time! I got pulled over and DIDNT GET A TICKET!! First time in my life thats happened!! I hope that trend continues!

20.) Going to Tucanos for the first time!! Cameron Peterson and I had a boys night and it was A BLAST! We went out to Tucanos and we ate meat until we almost died. We then went to my first independent movie premiere to support our friend Dusti. That was a good time. We then went and baked cupcakes to enjoy with David and Cheri. That was one of the best nights! mmm... Tucanos...

Well... Thats all I can think of for right now. Ill have to go through old emails to my missionaries to see what I was up to throughout the year and see if I missed any favorite memories! But overall... id say it was a pretty good year. It had the ups and the downs. Some bigger than others. Some months were hell. Some months were incredible. Take life as it comes. Endure joyfully til the end. May this new year bring so much more :)

Today Is A New Day :)

2011-11-10T09:59:00.003-07:00

I am feeling good today. Im finally feeling like myself. Maybe it was the 1 o'clock in the morning phone call and lack of sleep (Thank you David Mann). Not to mention jammin' to christmas music is always a good way to start the day. What starts the day even better? An hour and a half of tennis, provolone and spinach scrambled eggs, a surprise cleaning of the kitchen for my mom, and having a good hair day :)

Yes. Today is a good day. Im tired of feeling depressed and sad. BLAH! That's not me at all. So no more!! Im done being a pity party drag!! My name is Michael Scott Sandberg. I am an outgoing, fun, optimistic fool!! :D

I have an amazing life. I have great jobs that financially support my needs and wants. I have a loving family who is always there for me. Especially my sister in law Cassie. She has been helping me a lot through this rough week. So, even if she does or doesnt read this blog... I want to tell her thank you. She stayed up late and let me vent and express how I was truly feeling. I felt like no one wanted to hear about what was going on. I feel like what I need to get off my chest makes others uncomfortable. Maybe it does... but I cant help that. I need an outlet every now and then. So thank you again Cassie. You played a big role in my life this week. Thank you for being so sweet. In addition to my blessings are my talents and incredible friends who continually put up with me. I appreciate all of you.

Well. It is currently 10:12am on a thursday morning. I have 12 hours of work ahead of me... but im not going to worry about that. Today will be a good day. I am sure of it. Hope everyone else enjoys their day as well. I love you all.

YEEEHHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

I Miss You

2011-11-10T09:55:00.002-07:00

((Stupid blogger. This was supposed to be posted yesterday))

My days arent the same. I feel alone. I miss our daily texting. Telling you everything. Hearing your laugh. The phone calls after 10:30pm. Got off work... barely made it to the elevator before the tears started to roll down my cheeks. They continued to flow until late in the night... after i got home... when i rushed into the arms of my mom... and into my pillow until the night swept me away into my dreams. It was miserable.

I went to the temple in the pursuit of feeling comforted... I guess I need to keep going. Heavenly Father must know how strong I am. I guess this is my time to learn how strong I am for myself.

I keep listening to "The One That Got Away" by Katy Perry. "Party Rock Anthem" by LMFAO, doesnt help. Why does the radio insist on playing it over and over? It's bad enough we are no longer in contact. Do I have to be reminded of it daily?

I know this is all for the best. So why do I still hurt? Why wont the comfort of knowing that this is what needs to happen for me, override all the suffering? Im tired of feeling this way. It is beginning to affect who I am. Friends are starting to complain that my demeanor has changed. I know im in a funk... Im trying to stay happy. I just cant bring myself to fake it. In time, it will all be made well.

I hope it isnt as hard for you as it has been for me. I hope you are happy. I hope you are feeling better and not experiencing the same symptoms that are plaguing my soul. I want whats best for you. I want whats best for me. I pray the combination of our faith will ultimately allow a miracle to happen.

I want you back in my life. I cant have you the way I once did. I'll take anything at this point. It is Day Three. We have gone over 72 hours without communication. Weird to think... that all it took was the first 72 hours for me to realize how amazing you are. Took 96 hours for us both to be awakened to the reality of what was happening. Only a week and a half later... and I was in love with you.

I wish things would have gone differently. However, that doesnt mean I regret anything. I learned a lot. I gained a beautiful friendship. I felt a new kind of love. I started to understand what everyone else had tried to explain to me all throughout my life. Thank you.

Thank you for making me feel alive. Thank you for showing me what it is like to feel loved. To feel appreciated and valued. To feel attractive. To feel needed, wanted, desired. No one has ever made me feel all of those things at once. You will always be special to me. I just hope to one day find it again... under different circumstances, with someone else.

It is amazing how typing out all the things that go down in my head help... I feel better.

F.Y.I - I put your name in the temple. I hope it helps. Im praying everyday for us. I will continue to do so.

This has been a rough month. I hope to learn what it is Heavenly Father is trying to teach me. Maybe this isnt a lesson at all. Maybe it's just another test. I hope this is one of those trials that once it is over... something beautiful happens. I will keep my fingers crossed. Even if it isnt... I will continue with faith and optimism. That is all we really can do in life. Keep going. Life doesnt stop. It carries on with or without us. It is up to us to make the best of it. To take life for what it is... and enjoy it.

Life is a gift. Sure it has the ups and the downs... but in the end, I know itll all be worth it. I know that my future will be bright. I have been promised many wonderful things. All I need to do to gain these promises, is stay faithful and work hard. I am doing just that. I am working hard. I am staying true to the faith.

I believe in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I am a member of this glorious gospel. Is it easy? No. Is it worth it? Absolutely.

Hope you know you are missed. That I look forward to the day we can see each other again. I know it is hard right now, but I have faith that it will be worth it in the end. Hang in there. Be seeing you.

This blog is meant for me. Dont bother reading.

2011-11-08T15:22:00.003-07:00

Torment. Pain. Relentless Tears. These seem to be the three essential ingredients inside that pesky dark cloud that rains down on you every where you go. Im sad. I know im sad because I was once happy. This month has been the most bittersweet month of my life. This is no exaggeration. This is reality. I fell in love this month. I fell in love with not just anyone... the most incredible person. Kind. Gentle. Fun. Spiritual. Energetic. Social. Loving. I felt amazing around this person. They made me feel alive like no one ever has. I felt like a 12 year old boy discovering emotions and feelings that you didnt know could exist inside you. I liked it. I loved it.

Yes, I fell in love this month. I didnt know it could happen so quickly. Didnt know how strong a connection could be. Had no clue that you could literally smile at anything and everything relating to one person. I never understood how people could abandon their friends for a new interest... I now get it. I now know what it feels like to not be alone. Thats a change. Nearly twenty two years of feeling alone... I got a break. I didnt feel alone anymore. I felt exhilarated. Happy.

I didnt expect it to happen, or to happen so soon. It did. Do I regret it? No. Not at all. Could it continue? No. It had to end. Most things in life have an expiration date. This is a sad truth. What's even more depressing, is I knew the product was already expired and rancid. Yet, I took it off the shelf. Purchased it. With it, I made the most delicious and incredible meal. I savored every bite. I was even tempted to lick the plate clean. I had never tasted something so delectable. Here's the problem... I knew it was rancid. I knew if I kept eating it, I would get sick. For the sake of my health... I had to throw it away and make sure I didnt buy that expired product. This was the most heartbreaking decision Ive ever had to make. Why must something that tastes so good, be bad for my health and wellness? Ill tell you why. We dont always get what we want in life.

In life, we are challenged to give up things that we think we want the most. We are all human. We all possess the natural man. We are required to over come it. Heavenly Father sent us down to Earth to be tested so that we could prove ourselves to return to live with Him again. He knew it wouldnt be easy. He knew some of us would trip and stagger along the way. So he sent down His son, Jesus Christ, to make the journey a little easier. We have also been given the Gospel. We have so many resources that we can use to help us overcome the natural man and return with honor upon our heads. Knowing this... why is it still so hard to make the right choices? It is amazing how we can know the truth... yet still be so tempted to go against it.

My eyes were opened up to this more than ever this month. I knew right from wrong. Yet, I wanted the wrong. I wanted it badly. I fell in love with the idea of it. Luckily, I have still remained worthy of the companionship of the Spirit. The Spirit has played a big role in my life the past few weeks. Letting me know what's acceptable and what needs to be prevented. The sad part... was the more I was around the person I loved the most, I knew I had to give them up. So I did. I prayed, read scriptures, and went to the temple. All of these have helped and added guidance and direction. Im still lacking the proper amount of comfort. I pray for it several times a day. I want them in my life, in any form. It is my hope and prayer that one day that can happen.

I would love for this person to still be in my life. I want them to be happy. I want whats best for them. I know that the two of us together, isnt whats best. As much as id like to think so... it isnt. Heavenly Father has other plans for us.

Heavenly Father, I love with all my heart. There isnt anything that I wouldnt give up for Him. That doesnt make it any easier. I may suffer, I may cry myself to sleep, and I may even cry through classes or temple sessions or in my cubicle... but I know one day it will all be worth it. I know that there is someone out there for me. Someone who outshines everything I could even hope for. She will be incredible. She will be exactly what I need. I cant wait to meet her and start our lives together. I just pray it's sooner rather than later. But, like all things, in God's time.

I dont always understand why certain things happen in life... but I do understand that we were all uniquely created to overcome ALL of the obstacles and personal challenges in our lives. This is a promise from our loving Heavenly Father. He has made it possible for us all to return back to live with him. It's not a cake walk... but it IS possible. Thats a promise. A guarantee. We just have to want it like nothing else, and work harder than we could even imagine. If we work hard and put our faith and trust in our Heavenly Father, he will bless us. We will be rewarded. and... one day, we will all be at peace. We will have joy. We will be happy :)

My Life Is Amazing.

2011-10-26T14:15:00.002-06:00

Wow... what a turn of events. My life is incredible. I have the most amazing friends. I have an amazing life. I have a family who loves me. Friends who appreciate me. Great jobs that finance me. A good school that educates me. A fun car to get me everywhere I need to go. I have been spoiled rotten with talents and strengths. I have the ability to be anything I want to be. Do anything my heart desires. I feel so lucky. Thank you Heavenly Father for everything. :)

I am soooo stoked for the Hilday Season to come upon us. Halloween is less than a week away.. AH!! love Love LOVE Halloween! So excited. Not only that... but then I have my sweet mother's birthday. Then Thanksgiving and BLACK FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D Black Friday is my 2nd favorite day of the ENTIRE year. Christmas is first of course. Black Friday is a close second. I love the Holiday Season. The taste of cinnamon dolce steamers and cocoa. The scent of pumpkin and spice. The colors glowing off the white snow. the sounds of carols. and we musnt forget the most important part.... the feeling!!! The Christmas Spirit is THE best feeling ever! It is the feeling of charity and love. Nothing compares to it. I love it. and.... It's almost HERE!!!

Impossible to be sad or stressed when you know joy is around every corner. Life is good. :)

Nothing Left. Just Words.

2011-10-07T21:13:00.004-06:00

So today I went out to lunch with a good friend, Kelli Brough, to celebrate her turning 22. We went to Olive Garden. We decided the name Olive Twig would be a better name for the restaurant. How did we come up with this ridiculous new name? Well... our waitress brought Kelli her side salad and informed her that she went all out and added a couple extra olives to her salad. I looked down into the bowl to see three olives. Yes. 3. Wow. Dont over do it!! Please, Id hate to burden her. (i wasnt informed that they usually only leave one olive in the salad, symbolizing the name of the restaurant). So I said... Seriously? I said why only put one if it's called Olive GARDEN!!? That's no garden of olives. That's one olive. Uno. (Means one in spanish). So I then started joking saying how only one olive would come from a twig not a garden. Hence, Olive Twig :)

My last blog post was a tad depressing. I apologize. However, I dont take back what I said. I meant it. I still mean it. It's been on my mind a lot lately.

At the risk of this blog being just as depressing... be warned, if youre not in the mood to read about the sad insights into my life... go up to the URL bar... type in youtube.com. Type in "Four year old covers Mika". You wont be disappointed. Hilarious. But if you have nothing better to do, continue on. :)

This weather is a joke. Dark clouds... pouring rain...the cold... Not my favorite. I am like a human plant. I rely on the sun to grow. The sun wasnt present today. I feel shriveled up and frozen. Deep inside, my heart is covered in ice crystals. I feel numb. No emotion. I am emotionless. I am without feeling. I wish i could swallow a pill and feel good again. Maybe I can. Maybe I need to see the doctor. Many have suggested it in the past, I always felt I could handle it myself. I take enough allergy pills... I dont need more. Pills dont solve anything. Pills dont feel my frost bitten soul with warmth. What does? The Spirit.

The Spirit is the ultimate source of warmth and comfort. I feel he is distant from me. Maybe we're playing a game of hide-and-seek and i forgot i brought up the idea to play. 1.....2.....3....4....5...6...7..8..9.10. i need to go find him. Sometimes when I look for him, I try to sing. I wait until im all alone in my house. I take the Hymn book off the shelf from my out of tune and dust covered piano. I flip through the pages. I open up my mouth. I then begin to belt out my personal version of a favorite hymn or two. Not before long... tears are flowing from my eyes. Throat begins to get tense. My body begins to tingle. A sensation of peace and joy flow through my veins.

I wish I could be experiencing that feeling right now. Unfortunately, I am sitting at the Deseret News and if i have any desire of keeping my job, i better refrain from any attempt at singing haha! So at times like these... the next best option is writing out my testimony. If i can write out my testimony, I know the Spirit will be present. Ill feel him leaning over my shoulder to see what I have to say. I can already feel him drawing nearer. My eyes are beginning to fill with tears.

This is the testimony of Michael Scott Sandberg.

I believe in Heavenly Father. He is my master. My creator. He is my best friend. He is the person I know I can go to when I feel like no one else wants to hear me. I know he is always willing to open up his loving arms and listen to my cries. He knows my trials. He knows my pains. He knows the endless torment I feel on a daily basis. I love him. He loves me.
I know I have a brother named Jesus Christ. He was the ultimate example and led a perfect life. He is the man we all aspire to be like. I couldnt imagine a better person to look up to. I know he too, loves me. He died for me. He bled from every pore... for me. He suffered the pains I feel... for me. He allowed others to pound nails through his body nailing him to a cross... for me. I will never be able to thank him enough for this. One day I hope to go rushing into his arms and say "Thank you! Thank you". That will be a joyous day. I know one day I will be able to do this because he made the Atonement possible. He gave us the access cards to heaven. All we need to do is live worthily to keep our cards activated!
I know that i can keep my card activated by going to church every week. Not just any church. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. This is the true church. It contains the Gospel. Pure and full of truth. I could never doubt it. I will never doubt it. In the Gospel we have many rules and guidelines to follow. Are they always easy to follow? No. HEAVENS NO! However, we are created to overcome any weakness we are thrown. I, Michael Sandberg, was created to conquer and overcome any obstacle placed in my way. Heavenly Father knew what was heading my way, and he gave me the traits necessary to come out on top. I will never be able to fully express how grateful I am for that. I will overcome my obstacle.
I know that trials are a part of life. They are hard and painfully trying experiences. The pains and struggles can be lessened however, only if we are willing to turn to our Father In Heaven in prayer. Prayer is the key to the armor cabinet. The scriptures are the shield and sword. The temple is the place of safety. With all of these being utilized we are unstoppable. I want to be unstoppable.
I know that the scriptures are true. I know that the Book of Mormon is true because I have felt the Spirit testify to me that Joseph Smith was a true prophet of God. I know that much peace and guidance can be found in the pages of the scriptures. All we have to do is take the time to read them. (I need to read my own blog sometime to get encouragement.)
Even though I am feeling so weak at the moment... I cant help but also feel spoiled. I have been given so much. Heavenly Father has blessed me with so much abundance. I have the most incredible family in the world. I want to be with them forever. My mom is the reason I stay here on this Earth. I never want to be apart from her. She is my earthly source of comfort. I love her unconditionally. She blesses me and makes me feel joy on a daily basis. The sound of her laugh. Her warm embrace. The kiss on the cheek out the door. The unexpected surprise. She is the most wonderful woman in my life. My Dad too has blessed my life so much. He has worked so hard to provide the comforts of life i enjoy day by day. He is the reason I have a roof over my head. A bed to sleep in. Food to eat that my mom prepares amazingly :) He is my biggest supporter and fan. I love when he takes the time out of his busy schedule to watch me play tennis, to run a marathon, or even surprise me with washing my car. I love when he can sense something is wrong and always seems to be there when I need to talk. He doesnt do much of the talking... just sits there... and listens. I love you Dad. Then I cant forget my amazing siblings. They have provided so many fun memories in my life. From game nights and volleyball at my brother Josh's house. He has such a crazy awesome laugh when he gets on a laughing streak. The kind of laugh that makes you laugh harder at him than the actual source of the laugh. He is a good example of working hard and getting what needs to be done, done. Then there is his wife. Cassie. Her and I are so similar. I felt like she was always really supposed to be my blood sister, but since it didnt turn out that way, she was meant to marry my brother. Ill never forget the rice krispie treats shaped and dyed green to look like tennis balls with a good luck on tryouts note. Ill never forget that. Ill always love you Cassie. I love driving in the car with my brother Brandon. His differing taste in music always blasting so loud my ears drums hurt and listenin to his voice. I dont think he knows how good the tone of his voice is. He is the reason I got into people photography. He is insanely artistic and very gifted in the arts. He inspires me. I love him like no other. He is my protector. Sadie is the new addition. I love her. I have loved the spunk she adds to our clan. She makes my brother so happy. Thats all i could ask for. Her youthful spirit always makes my day. Her and I bond over treats and celebrity gossip. I love that. Tyler is my little brother. Im already crying again just thinkin about him. He is a little stud and i love him with all my heart. His laid back and easy goin nature is always a good balance. I love that he loved tennis and ping pong and lets me destroy him ;) Wouldnt want to know what life was like without him. Then there is Jadyn. The little love of my life. My sweet niece. She is the ultimate source of happiness. She is so quirky and cute. I hope one day to have a little girl just as spunky and adorable as her. All of the members in my family make me happy. I cant forget my extended family though. Wow. If you could take all the MOST amazing women in the world and put them in a room, youd discover they were all my aunts. I love them with all i have in me. I have grown so close to all of them. We have all bonded over different things. I feel lucky to be able to call them best friends as well as aunts. One i call my Boss ;) Mary. I love you. And like they said, the apple never falls sar from the tree... Maria. I know you read this blog. For that, I want to add my special thanks to you. You are my source for guidance, comfort, and love. You are more than my cousin. Youre my sister that i never had. Youre an instant laugh from a good text message. You are the Betty Crocker of spaghetti pie. You are an angel in my life. You have no idea the depth of my love for you. It is unmeasurable.
I have been blessed with an amazing family. I have also been blessed with an amazing group of friends. They know who they are. I would list them... but I feel it isnt necessary since most of them dont read this blog. But i will add you, Kelli. yes, you Kelli Brough. Back in high school i didnt realize how amazing you were. We werent as close as we are now. Over the time weve become closer I feel so blessed to have you in my life. You and Jordan are incredible. I have never felt so lucky to have two friends that are always willing to open up their door to let me in and allow me to pour out my heart. Not only do you do that... but then you feed me french toas or homemade rice and chicken or a hot jello drink haha!! You guys rock my world. I love you. Kelli, thank you for the listening ear. The fun conversations. They have all meant the world to me. I know you and Jordan were sent to me for a reason. Im so grateful to know you. Honored, really.

Will all the special love shout outs, out of the way.. time to continue on. I have been blessed with amazing talents. I have been been placed in this beautiful state. Granted i hate the current weather, but it is home for me. I am grateful for the jobs I have. The education I have been given. I have a lot going for me. So really, I shouldnt be sad at all :P

Heavenly Father knows of my potential. He knows my strengths and my weaknesses. He has all the faith in the world in me. He is cheering me on from beyond the clouds. I know it. He can see things in a way that I cant. I need to put my trust and faith in him. By doing so... all will be well. When ya put your life in the hands of the good man upstairs and go to work, you cant fail. Thats a guarantee.

Heavenly Father, I again, love you with all my heart. Thank you for the angels you placed in my way. I am eternally grateful for you.

I say these things, in the name of my brother, Jesus Christ, my Savior, Amen.

...

I feel better :)

Laying Lifeless...

2011-10-05T14:41:00.002-06:00

For the first time in my life I feel weak. I feel powerless. I feel defeated. Like no matter what my efforts are... I'll never escape this torment. I seem to know what I need to do, but for whatever reason don't get around to it... seem to put it off. I doubt myse and prevent myself from going to the sources of peace. I tell myself I cant be there... I'm not worthy. Don't have the time... Oh the joys of mental conflicts.

Why is Satan so powerful? Why is he so evil? Why does he want me to fail so badly? Why is he spending so much time and effort to see to it that I don't return to my loving Heavenly Father? Why is that I know what I need to do to overcome him... know that with faith I can... and yet sometimes feel like I no longer have any energy left to fight. I'm tired. Worn down. Exhausted. I'm scared. How much longer will I have the strength and will power to fight off one of the most powerful beings? Do I possess the skills and armor needed to go to battle with him daily?

Lately I feel like I have taken off the heavy armor from my body and am crawling on the ground hoping to make it to the finish line. I feel like the armor is too heavy to wear. However, I know that the armor needs to stay on in case an attack comes my way. How do I win? In order to run fast you need to be light on your feet. In order to be a threat in battle you must have thick and protective armor. How do I continue on with both in my life?

The answer is simple. I need to exercise. Exercise my faith, that is. I need to pray more. I need to work harder. I need to get off my lazy twin cheeks and go to the temple. I need to feel peace. I need to feel strong. Where is the gym for the spirit? The temple and the church. So why is it that I haven't been exercising when I was given a free lifelong membership? Why am I taking for granted two amazing aids?

I can tell you why. Satan is a fierce competitor. He is currently attacking me with a wicked strategy. He has tried other strategies... I came out on top. Although, attack by attack he has been weakening my defenses. He has currently been employing a strategy that has taken me longer to detect... He has filled me with doubt and rationalization. I haven't been to the temple in over a year. I haven't been magnifying my callings. I haven't been actively participating in church. How do I expect to come out on top when I'm doing nothing to stay strong?!

LAZINESS!! That is what Ive been plagued with. I have become lazy. Hoping for miracles to come my way with no effort. I have been so consumed with worldly work and school... that I forgot to work on my spirit. This needs to change if I have any hope of continuing my life in righteousness.

Why is my brain wired to find certain things in life more appealing than others? Why is it that I seem to hear a knock at the door, knowing danger lurks on the other side, and yet I want to open it? Why open it? 1.) To prove to myself that I am strong enough to overcome anything on the other side. 2.) To see if I was just paranoid of potential dangers. 3.) To see what it would be like to live in a dangerous situation. 4.) To join the danger on the other side.

What a horrible and painful thing to admit...

Why even go to the door if I know danger is on the other side? Why not go and get a nail gun and begin nailing in 2x4's to secure the door even more so? THAT'S WHAT I SHOULD BE DOING!!! There should be multiple dead bolts... metal bars, and other preventative objects securing my safety on the side of the door in which I stand. Yet, there currently isn't. Right now, I feel like the door isn't even locked. That all danger would need to do is open my door, and take a step forward. They would then... be close to me, and I would be close to them. Only in my mind can that ever happen...

I cant open the door. I cant leave the door unlocked. I know this.... yet my body is numb. I am laying lifelessly defeated on the ground, feeling the cold floor beneath me sucking the warmth from my body. Heavenly Father, please scoop me up. Take me in your arms, nurture me back to health. Help give me the strength to board up the door of temptation. Tell the people on the other side to go away. Tell them I am not home. I am in need of your assistance. Please save me. Comfort me. Love me. And if the door comes breaking down... please stand by my side and fight along side me.

Please.

Time For Change.

2011-09-27T12:47:00.002-06:00

No more complaining about my image with little effort. No more living in doubt. Im going for what I want. I need to be better. I will be better. I need to become closer to my Heavenly Father. Time to get crackin'.

Life - [lahyf]

2011-09-07T13:19:00.004-06:00

Life. It is defined in many ways. Here are some of the definitions listed online...

1.The condition that distinguishes organisms from inorganic objects and dead organisms, being manifested by growth through metabolism, reproduction, and the power of adaptation to environment through changes originating internally.
2. The sum of the distinguishing phenomena of organisms, especially metabolism, growth, reproduction, and adaptation to environment.
3. The animate existence or period of animate existence of an individual: to risk one's life; a short life and a merry one.
4. A corresponding state, existence, or principle of existence conceived of as belonging to the soul: eternal life.
5. The general or universal condition of human existence: Too bad, but life is like that.

Wow... get bored reading those? I sure did. All that wordy nonsense... Well. Since I didnt like any of those definitions, I decided to come up with one on my own.

Life: The arduous journey where individuals must work their hardest to overcome all the odds with faith, perseverance, and optimism.

Anyone disagree with that statement? If you do... no one asked you to read this blog, so go spend your time elsewhere. Alright? Good.

Let's face it. Life is NOT easy. If you think it is... I would be worried because that means something fierce is coming your way. Brace yourself.

Ok... so i just came across this draft. When I first started writing this blog post I felt the spirit and was excited to complete it...well... I got caught up at work. About a week and a half have gone by since i first started writing this. I am now in a deep fog of depression. So much anger, pain, frustration, and betrayal are consuming my soul. I have no desire to be kind. No desire to smile. Life, is a bitch. That's all.

(I may delete the above statement and revise this post later... but right now it's how i feel. Get over it.)

The Pros & Cons

2011-08-16T12:53:00.007-06:00

Life is filled with pros and cons. If you disagree you are either a fun sucking pessimist or you are so high on drugs that you forget that you are no longer experiencing reality. Yes, life most definately has its pros and cons. However, on the rare occasion, the pros and cons can be mistaken for one another. We do not always know the meaning of all things. It is our job to take life for what it is, embrace it, and try your best to succeed.

To be honest... today I have been focusing a little too much on the cons. Do you ever have those days that seem to be going so wrong that you probably fool society into thinking you have tourettes snydrome? Yes. This is me. I have been a profanity spewing lunatic for the last 13 hours. Pathetic right? Sadly, Im too bitter to even feel guilty about it.

Here is a list of ALL the things that have happened recently. All of which have been slowly adding up and creating this big pile of shit that has been plaguing my brain with negativity.

- Dieting. I am currently choking down some microwaved "sweet baby supremes". I think that's a fancy term for tiny carrot sticks. If it was up to me, Id just call them shit sticks. Let's face it. Food (especially dessert) is the ultimate source of comfort. When you take that away, the consequence can be a overly irritable demon that burns holes in the souls of all that comes in its path. (Even my asian eyes can cause some damage. Youve been warned.)
- Exercising. I swear... I must have the WORST metabolism ever. I try to exercise every single day and it seems to never pay off. I always wished I could have the body my brother Brandon has. Slender. I exerise and diet ALL the time and have still never obtained the shape he was blessed with. My fifth marathon is coming up and Im tired of looking like I belong in the "Running of the Bulls" (as one of the bulls). Oh well. Im trying.
-Dating. This is one of the BIGGEST problems I am having lately. Dating, for me, seems to be different than it is for everyone else. You see in the movies of the guy who is in the coffee shop and accidentally bumps into a girl who spills her drink all down her blouse. He gazes into her eyes. She gazes back. Love at first sight. He then offers to buy her a new shirt, which then somehow leads to a dinner date. Then (because of the filth that plagues the media)they go and fornicate it up in a crappy studio apartment. They then have there happily ever after. This is shit. It is complete and utter CRAP! Why do I watch these fake happily ever afters? All they do is make me hate my current situation. Where is my coffee stained future bride? Well.. Id hope she doesnt exist. I got standards. Coffee... seriously? Next. Anyways. So as I was saying. Dating for me is different. I find it so incredibly difficult to find a girl who catches my eye. I am not just talking about physially. I mean a girl who really gets my attention in every way. Am I looking for Miss Perfect? No. Just someone who I personally find beautiful in all aspects. Here are the girls Ive found who fit this description.

** Kelsey Walton- best friend for 6 years. Never loved anyone more than her (still to this day). She gets married on Sept. 2, 2011 to the LUCKIEST man alive.
** Mady Johnson- Her heart belongs elsewhere. She is getting married in December of 2012. I think that's what she said... haha.
** Aubree Thomson- Ive been in love with Aubree for one and a half years. Problem is, she's not in love with me. I have never in my life felt more confused with someone than her. She is like a human teeter-totter. She never stays on one side for long. She goes back and forth, back and forth. Im so in love with her though, that even though I want to hate her for it, I cant. Instead, it adds to her charm.

That's pretty much it. There have been other girls. Just none that made me feel the way they did. Close... but no cigar. For instance, you have the girls who you like that still end up hurting you before you can even be in love with them.

** Megan Thompson- A coworker. A beautifully edgy character who is so far different from almost any girl that Ive ever liked. The Problem: She claims that she doesnt think that she could make me happy. Additionally, she flat out said she doesnt see me as her future husband. We have a date on friday that I am excited for but we both know it will go no where. We just love spending time together.
** Becca Brown- I fear if I write too much on this, I may regret it later down the road. Basically, Ive felt so betrayed by someone. Here was the situation. After being close friends for around two years she starts complimenting me more than usual. Talking about a possible future together. She'd say I was perfect for her and that she loved me in a way that surpassed friendship. I decided to talk to her about the new statements. She summed it up with that she loved me. Saw a future with me. Didnt want to rush anything. Although, at the same time, didnt want to neglect anything either. So I tried to be respectful and not be pushy nor reluctant. Three weeks went by. One day at work I hop on facebook to see that shes in a relationship with a human mannequin. I was blindsided. She never mentioned she was seeing anyone. She admitted that it all happened so fast and that she didnt really tell anyone about it. I was not amused in the slightest. I called her a joke. That's usually what one is called who's actions dont match up with their words right? Anyways, a state of devastation soon followed lasting the next few days.

In summary, girls are a delight (That was sarcastic). Im no modern-day Einstein but Im pretty sure I have come up with a new equation. Girls + Dating = Torture.

Ok, back to my list of cons.

-Money. It's no wonder that money causes divorce and crime. It is STRESSFUL. This month alone I have the pay for two racquets to be restrung ($80). I have to buy new running shoes ($75). I need books for school ($250). School parking pass ($150). Let's not forget my car which got a flat tire, has it's payment due at the end of the month as well as the bill for yearly taxes ($186+$220+$275). SERIOUSLY?!?! I also took a vacation this month. Needed clothes for school/work. Got a haircut. It all adds up. Then... we must not forget the bills for dinners and treats on all the girls who screw you over. Just to name a few.
-School/Jobs. Enough said there. No explanation needed.
-People. They suck in general. They lie. They judge. They basically do nothing but make you feel like shit. Hooray, we're surrounded by them daily. No escaping society.

All in all, this is a lot of stress that has been weighing me down this week. It has led me to spend money buying stress relieving candles at the Bath & Body Works in Fashion Place Mall. Sad. In all fairnes... the candles smell amazing :) Even though I have a lot going wrong, I am expected to find joy. This is essentailly the purpose of life. To be sent down to this tangible hell and to come out of it alive. Coming out alive is not good enough. We need to do it with a smile deemed "Fabulous" by Orbit gum commercials. Good gum by the way. Ive listed all the frustrating aspects of my life so far. Now let me tell you why I am still here rather than at the bottom of a lake or hanging from a tree branch.

Life is AMAZING!! Think about it. Here we have this incredible opportunity to come down to Earth. Gain a body (some better than others). To feel human emotions. To understand what it feels like when the warm sand grits in between your toes. To collect memories and experiences. To learn. To grow. To live. Everyone embraces this differently. We all are unique. We are the commander of our lives and use agency to direct the path towards our destiny. I dont know about you but I intend to live it and and try not to have too many regrets. My life currently is as follows...

I just got hired with Deseret News. Toning and preparing the photos that will be printed in the following daily paper is my main task. Yesterday was my first day of training and I LOVED it. Working for Deseret News has always been a dream of mine. Writing was originally the plan as a youth. However, as time went by, I discovered my passion for photography. It was a perfect fit. A dream job doing what I am passionate about.

Speaking of photography, I love seeing my personal progress. This summer I had the amazing opportunity of photographing Murray High's drill team. It was so much fun. The heavy amount of work from this shoot has yet to be completely finished. Ill get it done though.

OH!! Here's a happy though. Remember an older blog that ranted about the terribly obnoxious guests at Maceys? Well, I wont have to be dealing with them anytime soon as I have gone back on seasonal which will most likely be permanent. I have no intention of ever going back there again. No more aprons. No more coupons. Every time I think about it I experience total mental bliss.

Friends are returning from their missions. PRAISE THE GOOD MAN UPSTAIRS!!! My boys are finally starting to come back. Mark Farmer came home a couple weeks ago and having him home still brings a grin to my sleep deprived face!! I love Mark Farmer with everything I have inside me. The future brings a mystery of fun events to be had with him now home. Cameron and Matt will be next :) AH!

Here's an example or two about what I mentioned earlier regarding the pros and cons sometimes being mistaken for one another.
- I have lost 12 lbs. I am looking more fit. I feel healthy. This is due to the successful suffering of diet and exercise. So although they suck... they pay off in the end.
- Work. Work can be a total pain in the ass. There can be drama, stress, and a major lack of sleep. However, I should be grateful to have the jobs I do. I am not unemployed. I work several jobs. So even though I might go through these phases of debt and multiple expenses... I can easily have them paid off in no time. Im just have bad anxiety and worry over the little things. Just who I am.

All in all. My life is great! I have amazing friends that make each day a joy to experience. I live comfortably with a sensational family. I am starting a new job, exercising my talents, pursuing a good education and living it up :) Im trying to stay optimistic in knowing my future bride is out there... and I know that shes going to be so insanely incredible that Ill soon forget all the pains I felt to finally end up with her. I cant wait to be in love. Love is the cure for suffering, the ultimate comforter, the culprit for stupidity, and the reason we exist. Love is both a pro and a con. I wouldnt want it any other way.

They say your future is as bright as your faith. So with faith, it's time to quit feeling sorry for myself and press forward. Here's to the future :)

This Is My Life.

2011-06-08T13:36:00.003-06:00

Holy Balls. It has been AGES since I last humored the two or three of you who actually read this whine-filled blog. So I apologize. Haha. First of all. Summer is coming. Hooray. I can barely contain my excitement. I am like a plant. I can only live in sunlight. I am a photosynthesizing human being!!! Time for Vitamin D and tan skin.

Ok... enough about the weather. What am I a grandpa now? Who talks about the weather? Old people who also talk about their pooping routine. Wait, I talk about my pooping routine...Damn. Im getting old. My hair is thinning, my chin is sagging, and the wrinkles on my forehead get more and more visable everyday. Ill be 22 this year. Oh well. It's life.

Speaking of life... I thought I would share a little bit about mine. (Ok, when I say a little bit, I most likely mean a lot, so if you're bored and have nothing else to do with your life... continue on, if youre busy, exit out now and forget about it).
For starters... I havent been to therapy in weeks. Stupid fat bastard made me wait too long. I walked out. Havent gone back since. Dont make me leave work early... to sit in a white walled room with nothing but a freakin TIMES magazine for 20 minutes! Do you want me to commit suicide?!?!? Maybe I should call him and set up an appointment. However, the grudge holding side of me wants him to call me FIRST! (Deep breaths... deep breaths.)

Anyways. I am WAY and I mean WAAYYYYYYY behind on photography. I have so much editing to get done. It makes my head spin, stomach cramp, and always results in binge eating. Not good for someone who is trying to prepare for summer. It's never fun when you cant get into last year's swimsuit. Back to photography... I am swamped. I have two weddings to finish up and three senior portraits and one sisters shoot. Balls. They all keep calling and/or text me to ask when they'll be done. I am always tempted to respond, "A quarter to never, you naggy son of a b***h faced a$$ wipe!!!" But... needless to say, I keep my composure and simply say, "They are almost done" :)

Gotta love working. If I didnt love doing things that involved money... I wouldnt work. Who would? Sometimes it's almost painful to wake up everyday, knowing youre going to spend hours of your life in a cublice that makes you want to pull the last hair on your thinning scalp OUT! Or... even better. Driving out to West Jordan to bag the groceries for people who weigh more than my two doored Yaris!!! Although... not all the guests at Macey's are fat. Impatient, maybe. Grumpy, maybe. RETARDED...maybe. Here are the many types of people that come to Maceys.
---The Coupon Nazi. (Im more than happy to count over 100 coupons a night so that people can save 1-3 bucks on their groceries.)
---The Blind. (They always say, "WHAT?!!? I thought my _______ were $_____.___!!" I kindly respond, "They are... when you buy ______ or when you buy them in quantities of ____. It says that, ON THE COUPON!!!!!!!!!")
---The Cell Phone Addicts. (I love being ignored and staring and people put their fingers in their ears when I tell them the total or ask them if they found everything. Im just doing my job. So spare me the nasty glare when I interrupt your freaking conversation.) Have a nice day.
---Paper Bag Club Members Since 1961. (PEOPLE!!! dont ask for paper UNLESS it's for your bread or frozen shit. I dont care if back in your day paper was all they had and you cant break tradition. Get over it. Screw paper. Say, "Plastic would be great.")
---Everything BUT Brains. (I love those who forget half of what they needed, when walking into the store, and BARELY remember right after they've put their groceries on the scanning belt. UGH!! I love jogging laps... but not around my store frantically trying to find what you wanted. Also, the type who grabs something without checking it if it's damaged... or double checking to make sure THAT SIZE is THAT PRICE!!!) Some people really should just walk around with a sign, "Prepare to be annoyed, I'm a Dumb Ass." Atleast I'd get a heads up... and a laugh. Oh well.
The rest of the guests are ok. Except for the ones who cant possibly seem to take the two extra seconds from their day to put their cart back... in a cart bay. LAZY ASS!!! It's literally steps away. Theyre there for a reason. Dont make the humbling job of pulling in carts, worse!!!!
Ok. Im done complaining about Maceys. I have to be there in less than 3 hrs. Better practice my $8.75 an hour smile. :D

So, when I'm not working. What am I doing you ask? Well, I'm either playing tennis or spending time with friends. Gotta love friends. Well... not really. But you should try. Well, I've tried. Im tired of trying. Throwing in the towel as of yesterday. Im officially increasing my work hours and decreasing my sanity. Well... the sanity thing will even out. Ive never been sane. But atleast I can blame it on the stresses of work. The bonus of added hours, will be added money. I have decided to start saving money. I want to one day have a fortune. Im not going to gain it overnight. So i better start now. Maybe prepare for a down payment on a home? Or possibly save up extra cash for the wedding ill most likely have to help pay for so it wont be your average LDS tacky wedding. Sorry if I offend anyone... but seriously? No one should have a reception in the gym of your home ward chapel. LAME! Instead of settling for some low budget wedding, Im going to make sure it's the day I deserve. "You ok with this hunny?" That was directed at my future wife. She may be reading this right now... Meh. Probably not. haha. But anyways! Yes. I will start a new savings account. Im done blowing hundreds of dollars on undeserving people. As much as I love spoiling people who really cant prove to me they give a shit every once in a while, i cant do it anymore. So "Toot-a-loo." Find a different friend to buy your shit. To all the friends who dont fall into this category. I freakin' love ya. :)

And now we're to the miscellaneous paragraph. The paragraph in which I will quickly address any other part of my life that doesnt deserve a full paragraph haha. Or mainly just cause Im already tired of blogging. My 5th marathon will be Oct. 1st. I am very excited about it... yet, I havent even started training. Ive lost 10 lbs to be in better shape, but havent actually been out running. Time for that to change. Speaking of change. I have gone on dates recently. Yes, Michael Sandberg has gone on a date. This friday will be my 5th date of the year. Go me. Will it turn into something? Who knows?! Not me. But I can tell you who can... and thats the good man upstairs! Yes. My H.F. My Heavenly Father. My master, my king. He is great.

Ok... now im in a spiritual mood. Life as a whole. It's meant to be hard. People need to quit kidding themselves in thinking that life should be easy, fun, and joyous. It CAN be... if we try hard to make it. But in all honesty... it's hell in physical form. Life... to me, is what Hell would be like when we are dead. It would be to stay living like this... FOREVER!! haha. I want something better than this. So it's time for me to improve. For all of us to improve. Time to get on our knees more to pray for help, guidance, comfort. Stop judging. Stop rationalizing. Stop rebelling. Just do what youre supposed to do. Is it easy, NO! Life isnt meant to be. Durrh!

Anyways. This is my current status in life. I am 21 yrs old. Still single. Still working the same jobs. Still living the same life. Still have the same friends... although the less important ones have come and gone. Thank goodness. Still battle the same struggles. SIDE NOTE. To the people who still think they can talk about me in a group setting about a suspicion they have of me... read my freakin blog. Quit worrying about me, and start worrying about the choices YOU are making that will determine your life AFTER this one. (D.B. - may you forever burn in the cruel flames of hell.)

Work Hard. Play Harder. Love Hardest.

Satan Is A Savage.

2011-04-04T15:00:00.003-06:00

The title of this blog isnt quite what i wanted to say... i thought id keep it fairly PG. But the more I think about it... I think PG-13 will suffice. The REAL title of this blog should be "Satan, Kiss My ASS!!" Ooooh. I feel much better. What an insane month it has been.
For starters... I started counselling for the second time in my life. I then decided to escape my everyday life and go to California for 3 weeks this month. The first two weeks consisted of tennis, Tennis, and more TENNIS!!! I went to the BNP Paribas Open with my amazing aunt and uncle. It was tennis non-stop. Total bliss. I was able to watch Maria Sharapova play live for the first time. AMAZING!!! Bucket list item crossed off. Ka'Ching!!! I got tons of signatures from the pros.. i even had Daniela Hantuchova fly on the same plane back to Utah as me!! So cool!! I then spent a lot of good quality time with my aunt bonding. We ate every type of candy imaginable. If we saw candy we hadnt tried.. we bought it.. and consumed it by the next day. We also tried new chips. Tostitos with a hint of Pepper Jack. If you havent tried these yet... do so now! DELICIOUS!! In addition to all the chips and candy... we drank coke from dusk til dawn. Oh how i love my aunt Sheri. We are dangerous together haha.
During my time there with them I shopped around, went for hikes, and went on a long 16 mile run. It felt so good. Boy did i get fried on that run!! I wore my first tank top with no sunscreen out running for 3 hours. OUCH!!!
I then came home for the week. Got caught up with work and clients. Hung out with friends (i missed them) and then packed up to head back to Indian Wells with my family for our vacation.
We had a blast together. We kareoke sang in the car the whole way. Shopped til we dropped. I won $14 on the penny slots in Vegas! :) i know i know... sinner! But it was fun! And i still ended up losing $5. I learn my lessons haha. One of the best moments of the trip was hangin at the beach and also my personal pride day!! I wanted to go shopping. get an amazing hair cut.. which i did at the salon called Peroxide! if youre ever in that area.. GO THERE!! incredible stylists. We then went and bought canvases. One for each person. We got paints and brushes and we went up the mountail a bit.. and painted our own interpretation of the Californian valley we viewed. IT WAS A BLAST!!! All of us turned out some pretty cool paintings. We also shopped some more, hiked, and played some tennis. We had a great time. However, during this whole month... i have been struggling.
It has been a really hard month for me. Ive been fighting my internal battles almost daily. Some days to the point where i couldnt take it anymore and broke down and sobbed, screamed, pleaded, begged... I understand the purpose of struggles and trials, but it sure doesnt make it any easier. We are told that men are that they might have joy. HOWEVER!!! We are also told that we are required to put OFF the natural man. Damn, my natural man is jacked up!!! haha :) I really fought as hard as i could this month. Was tempted to give up on multiple occasions. Really sat and debated on what i want to do in life... where i want to go.. who i want to be.. who im going to be with!! I thought id turn to some others who understand my situation as well as i do... I wasnt pleased to discover that they had given up. Gave in. Threw in the towel. I can only pray for them now. They no longer understand what im feeling. They felt it at one point... but not anymore. They put their eternal glory on the line. Is there still hope for them? Of course. Are they still amazing guys? Yes. Are they lost and making the wrong decision? yes, Yes, YES!! Sometimes I wonder how long ill be able to hold on... Will it be forever? 10 years? 5 years? one year? Tomorrow? Im tired of feeling dirty and evil. I hate being tormented by the thoughts that i cant control. Why do i have to suffer for this long? Will it ever get better? Will it go away? Will it fade? Or am I freakin stuck with this brain of screwed up thoughts?!?! Why does my mind work this way? Whats the purpose? I often ask myself that. Was i given this struggle to overcome it and help all the others out there who struggle as well?? am i supposed to be the example? The one who paves the way for others who are confused on what they want to do?
For whatever the reason... I am Michael Sandberg. I struggle like everyone else. Do we have the same struggles? No. But are we required to overcome whatever is thrown our way? yes. Can we overcome any fiery darts of the adversary? YES YES YES!!!! It's time to toughen up and fight back. It's time to kick Satan's ass!! Im done playing his game. I am going to love myself. I am going to remind myself everyday that I am a good person, who deserves all the blessings others receive. That i am not going to be just the guy someone settles for. I deserve to be loved. I deserve to be looked at with eyes of praise. I will go to the temple more, to increase my spiritual power. I need protection. I need guidance. In this wicked game of life we play... it's us against satan. But we can win! We have cheat sheets for victory. They are the scriptures and temples. both will provide the answers we need to win the game and defeat Satan. We are not tempted above what we cant handle! I can handle this! I will fight this. Im done shedding tears. Im done feeling lonely and undeserving of love and affection. Im going to claim whats rightfully mine.

Im going to win!! Whos with me? :)

Letting Go, Starting Fresh.

2011-01-18T13:58:00.002-07:00

2011. Good grief. Another year. Another "fresh start." This year started with a lot of high hopes for the future, resolutions, and a cold that stuck to me for three weeks the stubborn thing. Thankfully the cold had gone away and I am feeling much better. Although the cold has passed, I am still not 100%.

I am troubled with the thought of friendships. What are they really? How do you truly define one? Arent they all different? Experienced differently? VALUED differently? Before I had never really thought much on the subject. I always thought that a friendship was a non negative association with another human being. Is that truly enough? Before this year, that idea would have suffice. Not anymore.

This past year my birthday was a big eye opener for me. My eyes were continued to be opened when the new year came and I made the peculiar decision of taking it easy for a bit and not pursuing my education this semester. I was tired of running myself ragged. Always trying to accomplish everything. I wanted to be the best friend to all i came in contact with. I wanted to be well educated. Driven. Motivated. Always on the go. I became addicted to scheduling and I slowly allowe myself to run my life out of a cell phone calendar. I would plan my days out weeks in advance. Rescheduling and planning. It eventually was wearing me down and my happiness with my current situation in life. So, I decided to take a break. Me, the workaholic. Surprising right?

Well. With the decision to take time off to discover who I am and breathe, came high hopes for rebuilding and strengthening relationships with others. What has happened has been quite the opposite.

Back in the days of chaos I was always wanting to be with my friends. Even though I couldnt... I wanted to be with them always. So I always made my best efforts to find time for them. Not only did I just want to see them and catch up, but I wanted to show them I cared. So, I would take them out to dinner, a movie, a red mango fix, or anything else for that matter. I would hold get togethers at my house or others homes and would supply 90-100% of all the food on almost every occasion. You see, that is one of the ways I show people I care about them. I spoil them. Spend money on them. Feed them. Pamper them. Thats what I do. I also like to send that one text every so often to remind them on why i care about them so much. All of this to me is how a good friend show be. Mixing words with action. Some friends only know how to express friendships, but never back it up. Others do nice things, but never tell you how they really feel (buy you off, in a sense). A mix of those two things to me are the key ingredients to being a perfect friend. This is where im irritated.

I have spent thousands... yes thousands of dollars on my friends. I spend around $100 a week on my friends. Think im kidding? Ask any of my closest friends. I take out 2-5 people a week. Fast food meals? think again. I then make sure I send good morning texts, and good night texts. I try to remember their schedules so i can wish them good luck on whatever they are tackling on that week. Some find all these things my best qualities. Others, well... we dont need to talk about them haha. They seem to think im a nut. ;) Anyways, back to the point. I am always trying to be the perfect friend. My motto in life has ALWAYS been, "Be the friend you wish you had in your life." Plain and simple. I believe I have done my best to follow that. Have I always been perfect at doing so? No. Hence why i said, i have done my best.

Now that school isn't adding to my daily worries I wanted to take time to be with friends. This is where my world came crashing down. Lately, I have felt like most of the people I have spent so much time and effort on, dont care. They dont see my efforts. I feel they dont appreciate me. I then realized... during my insanely busy scheduling I fell into this fantasy that everyone appreciated me and wanted to see me but it was my fault because i was so busy... hence why i had to take time out of MY HECTIC ROUTINES to be with them. Now that im not so busy, ive started to notice that isnt necessarily the case. I discovered im not as valued and appreciated as I thought. I was devastated.

I have been tricked. I have been played. I have been used. Taken advantage of. Well, guess what? I am not going to stand for it anymore. There is a quote that I love that says, "Never let the actions of others, hinder you from being who you want to be." I love that quote with everything in me. Everyone would be wise to follow it. So with the new discoveries of noticing how crappy many of my "friends" are... ive decided its time to start over.

Am I going to change who I am or want to be? Heavens no. However, I will be changing who my friends are, and who I choose to become friends with in the future. I still will strive to be the greatest friend possible. Loads of spoiling and the weekly reminder of my love. It just wont be given out so freely from now on. I dont expect much. I dont need much in return. I dont want people to spoil me back. I usually like to be the spoiler not the spoilee, if thats even a word. I dont need to have someone hang out with my everyday. I just want to feel appreciated. I want to feel loved. I am tired of feeling like a have a good close friend then being blinded by reality. So heres the deal.

Im done with inconsiderate flaky friends. Im done with liars. Im done with the two faced. Im done with the moochers. Im done with the self centered, self absorbed pity parties. If you fall into any of these categories consider yourself terminated or otherwise warned that changes are being made. This isnt meant to be a threat. Just a heads up.

Im tired of being hurt and frustrated by others. Is that a part of life? Yes. But if I can prevent it, I will do all I can to do so. This all begins in 1....2....3!!

Woohoo. A new day, a new me, a new life. Im starting fresh. Off with the old and on with the new... and the current :) So I will say this to all my loved ones:

Dear Loved Ones,
I love you with all my heart. I really do. Thank you for being there for me when I needed help. Thank you for all the fun memories. The late night chats. The long walks. Game nights. Movie nights. Bowling. Hiking. Painting. Going out for food, drinks or treats. Going out to studio. Just kickin it back and relxing. Swinging. Shopping. Singing in the car at the top of our lungs. haha especially Quando, Cool and the Gang, and Whitney Houston haha. I am so very blessed to have you all in my life. I know that Heavenly Father sent us to each other when he did. I seriously hope all of us will remain friends throughout the eternities. I couldnt ask for better friends. I have made a lot of mistakes. I know im not always so easy t get along with or easy to handle. I know I can be difficult. I know I stand flawed and imperfect. But I truly want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for standing by me through it all and accepting me for who I am. I know I can be quirky and wild. Moody and irritable. Loud or reserved... although that ratio is about 85%-15% haha. Thank you for everything. I will always strive to be the greatest friend I can for you. If i have ever offended or hurt any of you... please know that I am sorry. That I love you. That I always will. And that im always here for you in whatever you need. A crying shoulder. A hot date ;) A friendly pick-me-up. Anything you need. I can be that. I know my schedules can be frustrating, but please dont give up on me. I need you all, for different reasons. Each of you possess special qualities and traits that I cant live without. A smile. A warm embrace. That listening ear. That person who can make me smile even when I have no reason too. That person who can challenge me in a good competitive game :) all of the above and more. I am spoiled rotten with all of you. Never forget how lucky I am to have you all in my life. I intend to only associate with the best of the best. I know who those people are. You know who you are. And i dont ever plan on letting go. Thanks again for everything guys :) Without you, life wouldnt be the same. Love ya guys!!

To all the others: Good bye.

Looking Back On 2010.

2011-01-04T12:21:00.003-07:00

What a year it was. Full of ups and downs. Twists and turns. Betrayals and heartaches. Triumphs and successess. Woah. My head just starts spinning just thinking about it all. 2010 had the roughest beginning of all the years of my life. It began with a steadily declining of friendship with my best friend. We hit a major rough patch due to discoveries of new information and then struggled to get back in our groove from there. February things hit the wall and it was over. My year long best friendship was gone. However, dont panic... it ends happy. Months went by and after I finally swallowed my pride and bitterness I wrote him a long letter of apology, hope, and determination to regain his trust and frienship. Letters were exchanged and all is well again. Now I just need to wait a little under 2 years to have him back haha. Bummer. Anyways. During the time of our falling out I met an incredible guy. Chase Hardman. I had gone to high school with him but never really paid much attention. We started hanging out through a mutual friend, Stacey Hansen. We became incredibly close. We hung out all the time and shared many interests. Life was good. However, I wasnt used to being around the same person for very long and I couldnt handle it. So I had to say farewell momentarily. A few months passed by and I too, regained his friendship. He and I have formed such a strong friendship and bond. He is truly an amazing individual. He and I have had many talks, many walks, gym trips, treat n' drink runs, and other fun memories. I love that Chase Hardman. Heres some fun news. In February I believe it was... my brother Brandon got engaged!! So the wonderful and quirky Sadie Romney. They are such a funny couple. And i love them. That was a happy day. Ah! then came the spring. The best spring ever. I went to California to stay with my wonderful aunt sheri and uncle steve. Phenomenal human beings. So great. They live in Indian Wells and I needed a break... not to mention, I wanted to watch the BNP Paribas Open!! For those of you who dont know what that is... its a pro tournament that all players are required to enter. Wow. What an experience. I was second row from Nadal and 4th row from Caroline Wozniaki. I was able to watch Elena Dementieva, Sam Stosur, Jelena Jankovic... haha i fell down some stairs when I got close to her, my knees went weak haha!! There was even Nadal, Andy Roddick and Andy Murray. John Isner, Ljubicic, Soderling, and Lopez. Not to mention briefly watched Kleybanova, Sanchez, and so many others. AND GUESS WHAT?!?! I got Andy Roddick and John Isners signatures :) woohooo!! I loved being with my relatives. I rarely get to see them but when I do, I never wanna leave. In fact, I think Im going again this year to see them. EXCITED!! In April I ran my second marathon and completed it in a half decent time with my sweet aunt amy. That was such a fun day!! I love running with my aunt. Nothing makes me happier. Right after we began training for another. Then along came Josh Brodis. What a fantastic guy he was. We started talking one day and set up a photoshoot. After that he and I became good friends. he lived up in Ogden and would drive down to have a drink and chat with me. Such a god friend. Sad when he made more of an effort to see me than my other friends who live down the street. Savages. He and I both understood the true meaning of friendship and the efforts that should be made to keep a healthy friendship alive and functioning without problems. However, after a while I learned I couldnt be around him anymore. I enjoyed his company and friendship more than I can express. It wasnt until I was sitting in the Celestial room in the temple when I got an overwhelming and clear message that I needed to end our friendship. I didnt want to. I thought id be able to stay friends and have things keep going smoothly. But I could never deny the impression I got in that room. So, I said goodbye and had a rough time for the next while. But then the summer came :) Oh how i love the summer. The warm weather and having sun kissed skin. The blue skies. THE LACK OF RAIN AND SNOW!!!! Heaven on earth. With the summer came the completion of my service mission. The loss of my dear friend Taylor Yates who has been my hitting buddy for 4 years!!! No one will ever be able to replace him. I love Love LOVE hitting against Taylor Yates. Now that hes not around... I feel so empty. Tennis is such a big part of my life and to not be able to just call him up and have an amazing match is devastating. But not to worry, I now hit with Marie :) she is awesome and we always have a good time on the court. Being able to share my passion with someone easily forms an unbreakable bond between me and them. Back to what I did over the summer... haha. I started back up at Maceys and got a job at the Deseret Dairy. The service mission paid off by having them like me so much they wanted to hire me as soon as I finished. I win! Oh I love my jobs. I work for the most incredible man, Bill Beene. He is truly a saint. At Maceys... Im home. I love my coworkers. They are like my siblings. I love them, I really do. They have been so good and kind to me. (((((( woah... weird. So im sick today and I just had the strangest day dream)))) (((( i was just recalling how my boss just came in and kicked my yoga ball that is my new chair. I then thought, what would happen if it knocked the ball out from under me and I fell and then randomly had a seisure? Then i thought of how he was eating peanut M&Ms and I thought... wow. If I ever was drowning or unconscious and someone had to give me mouth to mouth... what would happen in they had been eating nuts?!))))) Sorry for the weird tangent.. but thats just went through my brain just barely. back to my year. I ran my third marathon in June! Wow... that was the roughest marathon ive ever done. It rained for half the race. And when I had finished was certain my big toe was fractured. I felt like vomiting. I was freezing and shaking and couldnt hold down any food which ALWAYS sounds good after a race. Sad day. But glorious all at the same time. So this summer my beautiful niece Jadyn turned 2 :) oh how i love her. She is the cutest thing alive. Soon following my family went on a trip to Washington to witness my cousin Shelley get married. That was a good trip. Hiking, family, food, and CAKE! My aunt Mary makes a mean cake and cupcakes... we got to sample LOTS! :) i love her. This summer I also became best friends with Cheri Johnson. Oh what joy she brings to my life. I love her to death. She and I have become so close in such a short time. We went hiking together, started going to a student ward together where we met TONS of wonderful people to become friends with, and hosted many parties. She is fantastic. Im glad I got closer with her this summer. I also became really close with my coworkers. Brandon, he is a rock star. I love this guy to death. Soon after came Bracken, an incredible tennis player and one heck of a guy. Sean, the stud who had to endure the embarrassment with me as I got hit on.. for the third time at an italian restaurant by a male server. Brian P. a great new friend who is always a blast to chill with. I also became closer with Jared, Lindsay, Becky, Nichole, Cami, Laura, Brittany, Collin, Becca, Rachel (even though her and I have been buds for years now) and many others. Megan too of course. Her and I had been friends n' such previously but became better friends this year. I love her to death!! She is one of my favorites. Then came the fall. School. University of Utah. Four classes, while working three jobs. OUCH! it was tough, stressful, draining, and irritating. But even through it all, I prevailed. I got an A in business calculus. An A in computer essentials. an A is design studio. and an A- in psychology. WOOHOOOO! I thought I was going to be barely passing by with C's. Luckily that wasnt the case due to amazing professors who were really good to me. I also manage to take a quick trip to California with my friend Hailey. She is a true friend. I love her with everything in my heart. We went to San Diego and had an amazing time. Had a hot air balloon ride and went to the beach. Drove around shopping at stores id never even heard of haha. Shes a hoot. Then it was back to the books and tests. Then Finals. I GOT A 98 ON MY PSYCHOLOGY FINAL!!! Winter break finally came and I doubled my work load. I turned 21 :) Went to wendover and pulled my first slot machine handle. That had been a dream of mine for years. Couldnt have ended the year better. Its been wonderful. Full of trips. Dates. New friends. New experiences. New knowledge gained. New outlook on life. It is now the new year... and school starts exactly one week from today. Here we go again... 2011. Its going to be the best yet :)

Every Day Is Like Christmas :)

2010-09-20T13:39:00.003-06:00

Oh it was a glorious week, this week. Filled with amazing experiences and events. I did a photo shoot with an old friend named Josh Brodis to help him out with headshots and such on monday. It was good to catch up for a bit and i couldnt have had the amazing results without the help of Chase and Mady, two of my favorite people. then on wednesday i did McKenzie's missionary photos. McKenzie is a true rockstar and the photos couldnt have turned out any better. Then twice during the week i had two long battles fought against taylor yates in tennis. I absolutely LOVE hitting with Taylor Yates. The first day we battled it out was tuesday and he beat me in an insanely long match that was 6-4 , 4-6, 5-7. it was intense stuff. i had so many opportunites to win and didnt do ANYTHING. my serve totally sucked. I probably double faulted a fourth of my serves. UGH!! so we decided to play again the next day. First of all, Wednesday was absolute CHAOS!! ive never been so busy in my life. i had school til 1030, work til 430, then a photoshoot from 5-630, then i was supposed to go to a study group to prepare for my first psychology exam... but i blew it off to play tennis with yates.so i hit with yates from 645-9. i lost again... the first set was SOOOO CLOSE. i lost in a tiebreaker :( and by then i was soooo frustrated with myself that i totally gave up on the second set. i lost my mental game and was slaughtered 0-6. haha. TAYLOR YATES HAS NEVER DONE THAT TO ME BEFORE!!! i was a little bugged. but i didnt try hard enough to prevent it. i was so flustered with my game that i couldnt concentrate. But we played two rounds of tug-o-war and i won both of those with overpowering groundstrokes. then i had to go do psychology homework which consisted of me goin out to Maceys and doin a naturalistic observation assignment. i decided to see how many people would notice a loose one dollar bill on the ground and choose to pick it up or not. it was HILARIOUS!!! i lost $8 that night but about 40 people ignored the money. but out of that 40 about 30 of the people didnt notice it. haha. some people skipped with joy or laughed. some people acted all suspicious and sneaky to hurry and grab it. mady johnson came with me and we just ate cookies while we observed from the automatic driving carts haha. so funny. after that ended around 1130 i had design studio homework. i got half of it done and it took me to past 1 in the morning. i didnt have any time to study for my exam at 730 am. so lots of prayer was done to hopefully help me out. i had had no time to read ANY of the 4 chapters. i had only gone to one study group haha. and guess what i got on the test???? 80% hahaha!! WOOOHOOOO!!! the good man loves me. HF is the biggest stud alive!!! but however i was so stressed about it i consumed an ENTIRE box of wheat thins after the test. i was so beside myself i drove to smiths with trembling hands and a pit in my stomach, saw the yummiest crackers and bought the box. i went to work and worked on my homework and literally CONSUMED THE ENTIRE BOX!!! i believe it was around 1200 calories of wheat thins. haha YUM!! they were good. i then finished up my classes and went home and passed out on the couch. what a day. but i still had math homework to do. i didnt think it wuld take too long.. so i decided to blow of some stress by goin on a walk with chase... well i got home around 1030... lets just say math homework took me til 2 am to finish!!! AH!! ill never make that mistake again. my brain was functioning about as good as the first original Ford automobile under water!!! aka... NOT SO GOOD!! haha. but then the there was the weekend :) i spent it working at maceys. HOWEVER!! i met this guy named Brandon at work. AMAZING individual. he and i were jokin at work and we both worked til way late so we decided wed just hang out afterwards in the cart bays in the parking lot. i bought lots of popcorn and he, i, and rachel (another amazing co worker) sat out there and gabbed away. so much fun. we then were textin later that night and he was sayin how he had been havin such a hard day but that i was able to turn it around for him. and i was askin him what was wrong and apparently hes struggling with people and pressure. he doesnt know what he wants to do with his future and is gettin lots of Mission Pressure. i know some know what that feels like. every corner ya turn "so ya goin on a mission?" "hey youre gettin close to 19 how about a mission?!" "if you could go anywhere on your mission where would ya wanna go?". that stuff drove me CRAZY!! and its buggin him as well. so long story short. i was checkin up on him this weekend and last night we talked til 1 am and had the best conversation EVER. were basically best friends now haha. its official. so thats good. i LOVE making new friends!! and he thinks the world of me. Listen to this text he sent me.. "Youre so straightforward. i love it. haha. you seriously have to teach me. i dont look up to people but i honestly think so highly of you youre one of the best examples ive ever had and i barely know you. you dont know what a great quality that is. i seriously want to be like you. you bring color to a world of black and and white. thank you." i was completely blown away. i was so honored. what a good night. on top of that... i spoke in a different ward. and what positive feedback. i dunno if any of you know this but after my first talk in my home ward i got soooo much feedback. people were writing me letters, emails, callin my house sayin how much they loved my enthusiasm, my message, and my courage to tell everyone my biggest struggle. they were all touched. even an inactive member heard about it and said he would have liked to have been there and would go to church more if he knew people gave talks like i did (or something along those lines). so with this new ward an old man in his 80s called me up,and told me he has struggled with same gender attraction his whole life. and that hes always been scared to admit it to people. he said how proud he was and how much he admired me for bein able to do that and to do it so positively and with such a strong message. i felt like i was on cloud 9. i truly feel my talk is goin to change the hearts and minds of others. my patriarchal blessing even talks about stuff like this. its real exciting. but anyways.. that was my week! haha. exhausting.. but sooo rewarding. seriously... Life is like Christmas everyday. we just need to notice the presents that HF delivers to us on a daily basis.
I hope everyone feels the same way. I hope that you wake up everyday seein the beauty of the world. seein how lucky and fortunate we are. to have the priviledges we do. to have the amazing families and friends that we have. the freedoms. the luxuries. its amazing!!!! HF spoils us rotten!! so i say we thank him as often as we can!! we need to be better at seein all our many wonderful blessings! life is wonderful. i truly believe life is supposed to be hard and grueling.. but were supposed to find joy in it. thats our task. to live righteously, and to find joy in the tough times. woohoo!! so turn the frowns upside down and start enjoying your life. :) Giddy up.

The Surprise.

2010-07-19T09:19:00.001-06:00

Wednesday. July 14th, 2010. The day my life changed forever:
So i walk into work (Maceys) on a wednesday afternoon. Its 12 o clock and the customers havent quite plagued the store with their bad attitudes and long grocery lists. Im cheerfully parading around the front end waiting for something to do... well the time came. My manager approaches me and expresses an issue. There are no girls at work yet and the girls bathroom was dirty and needed to be mopped due to water spillage in the second stall. I was asked to mop and clean the entire bathroom. I then asked " do i have to change out those tampon boxes?!!" And she said, "sadly, yes." I then screamed, " i swear if i have to stair at ONE unwrapped sausage link, someone is going to DIE!!" I swear, gazing upon an unwrapped bloody sausage link of a tampon is almost as bad as stairing into Medusa's eyes. Youll surely turn into STONE!!! haha!! So off i go into the stall with mop and gloves in hand. I walk into the bathroom and it is filled with a HORRID stench. I couldnt quite place my finger on what it stunk like. So i go into stall #2 where the water had overflown and there were some soggy brown tissue clumps. Butthole smooshed TP. is there anything better? YUCK!! So after mopping up the floor i decided to do the dreaded job of the tampon box exchanges!! so i go into sall #1 and lift of the lid! PHEW!! nothing. While waiting for the floor to dry in stall #2 i skip it to go to stall #3, lift the lid, again, nothing! so im all excited thinkin the good man is watchin out for me. I walk into stall #2..... lift the lid and WHAT THE!?!?!? There is a GIANT DEPENDS GRANDMA DIAPER stuffed into the box!!!!!! So, im now confused and disgusted. I lift up the diaper.... and DIARRHEA starts boiling over the edges like a rogue kids volcano experiment!!! This stuff was OOZING EVERYWHERE!!! it started spilling down the sides of the metal bin!! And this GASTLY smell of death came blasting into my nose that was so horrible that i dropped to my knees and dry heaved which led to me crying and throwing up into my mouth having to swallow it back down!!!!! So in a state of panic i go running out to get some help from my manager. my eyes are blood shot and tears are still flowing from my face. She takes one look at me and asks. "are you ok?!!?" and all i can muster up to say is, "help!!" she says, "whats the matter?". "HELP!!!" is all i say again. so she comes with me and i point to the stall. She starts gagging and freakin out!! She ran out to go get gloves. Im lining the floor with bags to prevent poop from ploppin down onto it. Then an idea hits me! I run over, rip the freakin box OFF THE WALL and run it to the trash can and dump it into the trash! the manager then comes over and tries to spray it down and wipe it up and both of us are now in tears gagging!!! we finally got it cleaned up and the rest of the day ran smoothly.. but oh.. ill never forget that experience! EVER!!!

Wants vs Needs and ... Tangents.

2010-05-13T07:24:00.007-06:00

Wants and Needs. Boy it's sure hard to tell the difference between the two sometimes. Especially when something is wanted so badly... it almost becomes unhealthy not to have it. Haha, I find myself in that position often as I am the most compulsive person I know. In addition, Im also one of the most impulsive people I know. The best part is that I can even get compulsively impulsive haha!! Ok, I just realized that Im already off topic and I havent even completed a paragraph haha WOW!! Microsoft should almost invent a tangent blocker. You know how the have spell checks and grammar tools? Haha, how awesome would it be to have a tangent blocker. Everytime you start to go off topic a colorful giant flashing screen comes blasting into your face saying TANGENT!!! bahaha!! Im going to invent that and become a millionaire. Cause who wouldnt want that? Speaking of wants, here we go back on topic. Woohoo. We have arrived. Anyways. While driving to the Dairy today I decided I was going to make a list of my wants and needs to clear out my head and prioritze my lifetime goals. The list goes as follows:

WANTS: Warning!! This list may get long.
- Lose the last ten pounds
- New summer clothes
- A duplicate tennis racquet
- Rollerblades
- Improve my photography
- Decrease my unforced errors and double faults
- Live in california
- Go back to school
- Make new friends
- Regain old friends
- Have my boys return from their missions
- Gain confidence
- Find my eternal companion ... Brace yourself. This is where a tangent blocker might be needed.
Ok, Im going to vent a little bit for everyone right now. So if you dont care to read this, skip down to the NEEDS section. Finding an eternal companion. Now that is a CHORE!! What a joke! Here I sit, in a gray dingy cubicle (but is clean from a good old fashioned OCD scrubbing the other day), depressed and irritated with how my life is going down. First of all. Why are girls so STUPID?! What is with all their lame excuses for why they dont want to date you? GIRLS!!! Listen up!!! It hurts A LOT less if you simply tell them how things are going down as opposed to beatin around the bush or just pretending everything is just dandy!! Stop worryin about feelings. I mean, dont get me wrong, let us down easy, but dont string us along or make up an excuse to make us feel better about our undesired selves!! I dont even want to get into how frustratingly annoying a girl can be. But I will :) Ok, FIRST OF ALL. Never tell us youre interested in us, and then say BUT I just want to be "friends". Thats the equivalent of telling you "Hey, how about for our date I take you out to La Caille", start driving there, only to pull off the side of the road and grab a freakin greasy hot dog with a crusty stale bun from a street side shack!!!! AHH!!! Rage is flowing through my vains. DO NOT, make us your "friend" without a valid explanation. Dont say that we are so amazing, wonderful, kind, caring, good lookin, sweet, thoughtful, generous, the idealic partner, the one who makes their life happy, the one who brings a smile to their face daily only to then say.. but i dont want to lose you in my life. So lets just be friends. SCREW FRIENDSHIP!! We arent placed here on earth to find "Best Friendships". We are here to be tested, find an eternal companion, and be sealed together in the temple to eternity!! In addition, true friendships arent risked when getting into a relationship. They are built upon! This idea came about when a dear friend of mine once said that, "you dont risk a friendship, you build upon it." How true is that!?!?! If things dont work out, thats ok, theres going to be a million No's and one Yes. And if your friendship was that strong to begin with, youd manage to stay friends! BAH!! So really, all you girls need to say is.. "Yeah, youre perfect on paper, but im not into you", or "im not attracted to you" or "Im out of your league you dont have a chance in hell!!!" All you need to do is compare us to a piece of LINT!! You can tell us that we're soft and warm, but that NO ONE WILL WANT US!! And then help us by telling us what it is so we can see if we can improve on that!! But dont say "yeah youre perfect, but I dont want you." GIRLS ARE TOO CONFUSING!! Second, dont spoon food us lame excuses like, "Well, im going to college soon" OR "Youre going on a mission soon" OR "Im still in high school and just dont want to be in a relationship." LIES lies Lies lies LIES!!! ALL LIES!! Mere lame excuses and cover ups for the real reason behind it. Dont lie to us. Just tell us youre not interested. Cause I honestly do NOT believe that if Mr. Right jumped into your arms you wouldnt send him away with your garbage phrases! You would somehow try and make it work REGARDLESS of what's ahead! If it was college, you guys could make it work. So dont disreguard everyone you meet just because college is coming. There will always be an excuse! If it was a mission, write him, encourage him, and wait for him IF he is the right one!!! If you dont think he's the right one.. dont lead him on. Tell him he doesnt feel right, and MOVE ON! Again, thats an equivalent of having someone bring you the most expensive dish from a take out restaurant that you secretly hate, and you simply saying, "oh it's too perfect to eat." Whatever. Say the food tastes and smells like butthole and youre just not wanting to grub on it!! All truthful things hurt in the short run, but are sooooo SOOOO much better in the long run!! I promise.
So what do I really WANT?!!
- For girls to stop lying and be honest for a change.
- To go on a date and actually get the feeling the girl wants to be there and not just "allowing" me to buy her dinner at the exchange of her pleasant company.
- To find the girl out there who's independent, honest, loyal, spiritual, funny, caring, sweet, thoughtful, considerate, and who honestly loves me for me. Thats the pinnacle of wants in my life.
- I want to be loved...

NEEDS:
- Put all trust and faith in Heavenly Father.
( If I can fully do that, then I know that all my wants, that are important in the eyes of God, will happen. )

If I Could Marry Anyone In The World.

2010-04-28T23:03:00.001-06:00

It would be Julia Roberts :)

World's Worst Employee

2010-04-06T08:57:00.000-06:00

Haha. So today I went down in history for being the worst employee to ever work at the Deseret Dairy. (Be warned, I may spice up my story a bit, just for entertainment)

There i was, sitting in my quite little cubicle with my stomach roaring like a famished lion, staring at my stack of papers i often contemplate snarfing down when they announced they would be having a chocolate milk tasting test. For many, that sounds absolutely heavenly. Who wouldnt want to stop what they're doing to go drink rich'n'creamy chocolate milk? Oh yeah... that would be me. Dont get me wrong, it's not that i LOATHE chocolate milk.. i just prefer not to drink it. It may be delightful and chocolatey... but it's also brown liquid lard that likes to fill all the empty spaces we all starve ourselves trying to obtain. So, after slight hesitation, i went.
There i was slowly pacing myself down the hallways walking along side my fantastic co-workers who always seem to brighten my day with their peculiar conversations. We strolled down the two hallways and into the testing lab. On the gray cold countertops were 8 rows of four nicely lined up sample cups. We would be sampling four different types. Instanly, i assumed that they were all from the Dairy and were merely batches they wished to see turned out better. I picked up a half used leaky black pen from the table and a scoring card. I read the card.
Do you like Chocolate Milk?
**I neither like nor disklike it
(That question was easy.)
Then came the time to answer questions based on the texture, color, chocolate favor, and creaminess. Do you strongly like?, like very much?, slightly like?, niether like nor dislike?, etc... Let the fun begin. I began slowly sipping one cup at a time and answer the required questions. The first one, too creamy. The second, too flat and unsweetened. The third, too chocolately and sharp. The fourth, not too shabby. Just when i finished my test a whole flock of wild savages came bursting through the dorrs merely out of breath to see what was going on. They of course, were coming to drink the chocolate milk. I didnt understand their excitement. You have an unlimited supply of it here and can drink it at any time. Soon after, I walked back to my cubicle ( which is in desperate need of some new picture, a plant, and possibly a gold fish? thoughts? ) ... ( i guess it might be hard to have a gold fish when i only serve three days a week ) ... ( Can gold fish live on three days of food? What if i feed it extra? ). Hmm.
Anyways, I began talkin to my bud Mike, a quite funny middle-aged father, about the test. We agreed that we liked the fourth one best. It was nice and creamy and not half bad. We then totally disagreed on the other samples. We laughed over our attempts at being the connoisseur of chocolate milks. Doesnt that sound accomplished? Then the man over powder packaging came in to deliver the results...
Remember when i said i thought they were all different batches from the Dairy? Haha. Well they werent. One was from the Dairy. The others were our competitors. While others felt proud of their scoring... i however, was left laughing hysterically and embarrassed. I ranked the Deseret Dairy's chocolate milk DEAD LAST! Haha! I then tried to tell them that i am biased and hate the guilty feeling of chocolate milk and therefore picked the blandest and lightest in flavor as my favorites. That is in fact true. Whenever i succomb to the temptation of chocolate milk, i add a little tiny bit of hersheys syrup in my milk. I like a nice light color and taste. The rest of the world however, thinks im a nut!
Can ya blame them? I most certainly cant. Id be the first in line to admit im a loon! I know im one of the worlds finest and unique individuals. I think i should be put behind glass walls in a museum for all to come observe my peculiar ways and listen to extremely odd words that so often flow freely from my bold lips :) That would be quite the experience for all! Thoughts on this? Can one make a living doing that? Can an entrepreneur sell themself? More thoughts to ponder.
Well anyways. I best be back to work. It's amazing how the little things can be so amusing when youre placed in a tiny slate gray box. I guess with me it doesnt have to be a cubicle. When ya add this odd brain with the attention span of a toenail clipping.. youd be amazed what can happen :)

This one is for my friends :)

2010-03-04T07:57:00.000-07:00

Bonjour!!

I just wanted to quickly thank and remind everyone how much I love and care about them. Everyone has played such an important role in my life and has made it so much better in a myriad of ways. Here we go:

FRIENDS:
In No Particular Order...Here are the things that make me think or remind me of you.

DeeDee S.- My PL. My babe. My history class survival kit. Badmitton posing wild woman at the cabin. No money at a Wendy's Drive Thru. Unedited eyes. Wheeler Farm. Triple Dates. Daily updates. Heavy breathing. Faling asleep on the phone. Hairspray.
Annie C.- My Quando and Phantom hot mama. My laughin n snortin buddy. My cabin model. The one who tells it to me straight regardless of what i do or dont wanna hear. My black friday shoppin pal. My future default wife haha. ;) Cedar. Blondie Cookies... sorry. haha!! "Gross". "Bonjour!!"
Karen M.- My vault. Future Wendy's roommate. Game night and sugar cookie decorating pal. Late night walks. Long talks. Good Girls Go BAAAAADDD!! haha. Broken Snicker bars and missing ice cream labels. Scary Movie 3. Pills and Chapstick.
Ryan N.- The Granny Express. Festive Hair. Settlers of Catan Champion. Valentines Day Chef. Lorraine. Deep Conversations. Zupas. Impersonations.
Mark F.- Tennis. Flying Ace. Ping Pong. Long late night talks. Apples to Apples haha! Muscles. Techno. My Brother. Hugs. Man Dates. Eyebrows. A Freakin Stud.
Matt B.- Clubbin. Energy Drinks. Guy Nights. Haha double dots "..". Working. Health Class. Thighs. Matching outfits hahaha!!
Cameron P.- Poopin on snickerdoodles. Julie & Julia. Rad. Walks. Wedger haha! Chick Flicks. Biking.
Ciera N.- Runnin red lights. Almost hitting a deer. Bowling. Tennis home run derby. Rice Krispie Treats. "Be Happy" cake. Trying to pass cars. Tanning. Dinner bill fighting. Blankets over heaters.
Nycole G. - Carbs. Apples haha!! Studio 600. 24 Hour Fitness. Maceys. Homeless People. Loser Boozers. Spelling. "Eeeewwwwwww" and "Bah!". It's Britney BIT**!! haha
Monica M.- Back scratches. Blue Hands. Journalism. Noodles. Hill Air Force Base.
Kelsey W.- Best Bud. Snoasis. Tennis. Fazolis. Utah Summer games. Drowning in a lake. Indian Costumes. BS "one ace". Country Music. Funky Techno. Computer bak scratches. Fire places. Manti Pageant.
Celeste H.- Flan. Libraries. Photography. Playgrounds. Sextrology.
Kaley W.- First Kisses. Hikes. Summer. Tootsie Rolls. Subway. Regret. leaving school to do extra credit assisngments. Millcreek. Roxberry.
David S.- Sleepovers. Scrambled eggs and tabasco sauce. Toilet papering. Hot tubs. Elements. The gateway. Green and White. Spaghetti O's and can openers. Soccer. Guarana. The Capital.
Tyler D.- Famous Daves. Greenish brown pudding. Samba Grill. Buttery Popcorn. Bruised Ribbed Basketball. Cross Roads mall. Trax.
Amy H.- Hiking. Lagoon. Laughter. Economics. The Missing Dog. Singing Birds in Engines. Snow White.
Jaymie N.- MATILDA!! Wedding Agreements. Pictures. Funny faces. Kamas. Cruisin the streets. Freezing winter photo shoots. Homecoming.
Mady J.- Salt Flats. Smiles. Scented markers. Food fights. Dresses. Taco Bell. being Stranded. Peeing in the middle of no where.
Preston B.- Fuseball. Snowboarding on tramps. Camp outs. Bowling. "Than... Ok."
Mallory R.- Weight loss. Competitions. Love Sacs. Understanding. Modeling. Laughter.
Shay K.- Holding hands. hiding under tables. Hallway wars. Tennis on TV. Truck rides. Physics.
Taylor Y.- TENNIS TENNIS AND MORE TENNIS!!!
Ashlee J.- Walks. Elementary School. Divinity (spell check?). Quotes. Cheese NIPS.
Kelsey H.- Boats. Swimming Pools. Stuffed bumble bees. Childhood crush.
Karli H.- Slip n Slides. Waffles. Knives in dark garages. Fat Boy needin a donut. butt cards. Roller blading. Chalk.
Rachelle P.- Momma P. Emails. Mail Box Surprises. Murray Park Walkway. Comfort.
Stacey H.- Crowns. Diet Cherry Pepsi. Prom Parties. F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Frat Parties. Middle Names. Heart shaped lights.
Adam R.- Spoon Me. Flavored Icees. Playgrounds. Support. Marines.
Ashley G.- Baptisms. Maceys. Eclairs. Last Word. Poems.
Caleb B.- Dancing. Bees Games. Assistants. Wrestling. Expressions. Casa Blanca.
Shalece K.- Dancing. Sandstorm. Joggin stairs at BYU. Gas Station dinner binging. Doubles tennis.
Kelli P.- Blogs. Libraries. "Love your guts".
Lindsy N.- Shirley Temples. Salt Air. Las vegas. Crazy Photo shoots. Pollen and cotton collecting on clothes.
Liz C.- Modeling. "Whoop!" Birthday Cakes. Anthropologie.
Mietra A. - Make Up. Photo Booths. Key Lime Cake. Snow Ball Fights.
Shantel H. - Shopping. Talks. Economics. Accessories haha.

There are also so many others not listed that mean so much to me and have impacted my life... but creatin this list was a lot more time consuming to do than i thought haha.

"Like A Watered Garden"

2010-01-19T08:36:00.000-07:00

This post is entitled "Like A Watered Garden". Why is it named that? Well, because it was the name of the chapter I just read in one of my favorite books, Broken Things to Mend. What does the title mean? I'm not sure. But it was a fantastic chapter on paying your tithing and its importance. I've always known why it was important to pay your tithing, or atleast had the general idea, but this book words things so beautifully and makes everything understandable. It gives us five main reasons why we pay our tithing. So below are the reasons and a quote i liked in between the sections.They are:

1. To do so for the sake of your children and grandchildren, the rising generation, who could now, if we are not careful, grow up in the Church with absolutely no understanding as to how their temples, chapels, seminaries, and socials are provided.
-"Teach your children that many of the blessings of the Church are available to them because you and they give tithes and offerings to the Church."
2. Pay your tithing to rightfully claim the blessings promised those who do so.
-"The honest payment of tithing provides a person the inner strength and commitment to comply with other commandments."
3. Pay your tithing as a declaration that possession of material goods and the accumulation of wordly wealth are not the uppermost goals of your existence.
-"Living in a world that emphasizes material acquisition and cultivates distrust for anyone or anything that has designs on our money, we shed that self-absorption to give freely, trustingly, and generously."
4. Pay your tithes and offerings out of honesty and integrity because they are God's rightful due.
-"Paying tithing is not a token gift we are somehow charitably bestowing upon God. Paying tithing is discharging a debt."
5. We should pay them as a personal expression of love to a generous and merciful Father in Heaven.
-"Through His grace God has dealt bread to the hungry and clothing to the poor. At various times in our lives that will include all of us, either temporally or spiritually speaking."

After reading this chapter it just made me realize how little i thought of tithing. For me, I've always been good at it, however, i never really put much thought into other than it was asked of by Heavenly Father. I always knew it helped build temples and churches and so on. I knew that you could receive blessings from doing so. However, it took the knowledge i already had, and expanded it. I am so grateful for the law of tithing. I am grateful that there is a way provided for us to show our loving and generous Heavenly Father that we care about him, that we are grateful for the Church, that we know it's true and want future generations to be able to go to the temple and have church buildings to meet in weekly. Im so thankful for the opportunity I have to pay a little back for ALL the wonderful things i have been blessed with. Heavenly Father gives us so much. A family, home, freedom, education, so many opporunities to make ourselves better, and all he askes in return is 10%. Who or what else in this world is willing to do that!? His generousity is astounding and I love Him with all my heart. :)

To those who havent gone out and purchased this book already.. i highly recommend you do. Broken Things To Mend by Jeffrey R. Holland. A truly fantastic and life changing book.

October :)

2009-10-22T01:00:00.000-06:00

Hey Everyone,
Many of us had the wonderful opportunity a couple weeks ago to listen to General Conference. Here are some of my favorite quotes and phrases. ( quotes and phrases arent direct as i had to write them down so fast and my short term memory fails me from time to time haha )

1."Exercise agency to authorize the spirit to teach you."
- my interpretation: make the best choices so that you can live righteously to be able to have the guidance of the spirit.

2. "Provide an environment for the spirit."
- the spirit doesnt just wait around to help you at all times and in all places. you need to make sure you are living pure and are in an environment thats clean and acceptable of his presence.

3. "Keeping the commandments leads to help from Heavenly Father with our heavy loads."
- its amazing how hard we make it out to be when all we need to do to receive help in these trying times is to follow the commandments. I loved this little phrase of comfort and hope.

4. "Love is the desire of every human soul."
- remind those you love, that you love them. remind the OFTEN. tell them NOW!! we live in a world where its almost next to impossible to be out of reach of someone. LET PEOPLE KNOW YOU LOVE THEM! Everyone wants to be loved. We all love hearing, that we are loved.

5. "Create situations to bear your testimony!"
- Never in my LIFE had i thought of doing this! but i love the idea!

6. "When we love God, obedience becomes a joy and not a burden."
- haha amazing to think about right? this quote will be a good reminder when we all are wanting to make the choice we know wouldnt be acceptable to God. That by making the right choice we are proving that we love God.

7. "Prayer is your key to heaven and the lock is on your side."
- one of my favorite quotes, knowing that all is possible and can be made right through honest and sincere prayer. That we can arrive to our final destination if only we pray.

8. " When your wagon gets stuck in the mud, the Lord is more willing to help the man who gets out and pushes rather than the man who only prays, no matter how eloquent the prayer."
- this proves that we cant only JUST pray. We must work and help out. Not everything is going to be handed to us. But if we need help or want something, we need to pray for help to accomplish and receive what we are seeking. Not just selfishly asking.

9. "Endure JOYFULLY to the end."
- my new favorite twist to the old saying ETTE.

10. "Education is not the filling of a bucket, but the lighting of a fire."
- dont limit yourself with knowledge. dont just do the minimum until your bucket is full. Light that fire and let it burn until it devours EVERYTHING.

11." It is in trial of adversity that we form character and shape our destiny."
- LOVE THIS!! one of my all time favorites. we all struggle in life, and its good to know that these struggles are meant to test and shape us into the person we are. Its not about how we fall, but how we bounce!

12. "Integrity is the light of the disciplined conscience."
- Enough said. amazing quote.

13. "One of man's greatest happiness comes from losing yourself in the service of others."
- Serve others. help everyone around you. it brings light and warmth to your life and the lives of those you serve.

Those were the 13 quotes of G.C. that were my favorite. Boy, I have a lot to learn and work at. I am so thankful for Conference and the guidance and direction it gives to our lives. It allows us to be inspired, to strive to be better, and to become better human beings. it strengthens our testimonies. It recharges us. I will be honest. This is one of the first times ive actually sat down and truly listened and studied conference. And for that i feel foolish. I have wasted YEARS of my life ignoring the wonderful doctrince and talks of hope and encouragement all this time. but im glad i finally learned that Conference isnt just a good thing because it makes it so i dont have to go sit on a bench or seat in church, but it boosts me to be better. Shows me the way in this misty and cloudy world we are living in. And for THAT, i am grateful.
To anyone who is reading this:
I hope we all are striving to be better. That we are creating environments that welcome the spirt. That we conduct ourselves in a way that makes us worthy for his guidance. That we SHARE our testimonies with everyone. That everyone we may be in contact with, or in visual sight of, that they might be able to recognize us as worthy LDS members. Am i perfect at this all the time? No. Do i want to be? Undoubtedly. Everyone, lets all help others in need. Lets be open to the inspiritation of who we can comfort or serve. Everyone needs help at some point in life. May we strive to be the one who helps them along the way. Lets all pray daily. Live righteously. And prove ourselves worthy to obtain the highest kingdom of glory in the last days. I KNOW we ALL can do it. Will it be easy? No. Is it achievable? YES!!! MOST CERTAINLY, YES! I know that through listening to the guidance of our leaders and peers, will help us along our way. I know that we are lead and guided by a true and living prophet. I KNOW with everything in my heart, that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the true church. I could NEVER deny this. This is a wonderful gospel that i am blessed to be a part of. Am i always the best representative? No. Do i strive to be? Yes. I know im not perfect and that ive made and currently make mistakes and will continue to make mistakes as i go on through life because none of us are perfect. we all slip up here and there. but our mistakes dont make us who we are, we make us who we are. We have the wonderful ability to repent and be forgive. The Atonement is AMAZING. It is life saving. and im so grateful for it as it has helped me tremendously. I am so indebted to my loving brother and Savior, Jesus Christ, for his atoning sacrifice for not only me, but everyone. He has felt the pains i have felt, that you have felt. My mistakes made him suffer. But he endured them for me so that i might be able to return to live with him and Heavely Father again. How amazing and incredible is that?! That he loved us enough to bleed from every pore!! i cant imagine the pain he felt but with tears in my eyes can only pray and thank him over and over again. I love Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father with all my heart. I know that they love all of us. They want us to be happy. They want us to return to live with them. But in order for that to happen we MUST make the right choices. And for this knowledge, i am grateful and wanted to share it all with you today. And i have said this in the name of my loving Savior, Jesus Christ, Amen.

I pray we all will take the knowledge we have and use it to our advantage. To bless our lives and the lives around us. We live in rough economic times, but we also are known to be living in the fulness of times! Rejoice. The future is bright! Dont live in fear. Live life righteously and joyfully to the fullest! I hope everyone knows how much i love them and care for them. If any of you are struggling, or need someone to listen... Dont hesitate. Im always willing to help someone out. May we all strive to live happier and better lives!! Hope everyone is doing well and wish the best!

-Michael scott Sandberg

The Tongue of Angels.

2009-09-22T11:26:00.001-06:00

So today as i was reading my current book, "Broken Things to Mend", by Jeffrey R. Holland, i completed chapter 8. This chapter was titled, The Tongue of Angels. This chapter was fantastic. And i know i was meant to read it this week as lately i have been pondering on my current spiritual status. And even though i may be on a service mission.. im still not where id like to be. Ive been struggling with using clean language for the past 5 years. Its insane how hard it is to clean up your language after youve already dirtied it up. Its a shame Orbit gum really cant clean a dirty mouth... and i dont have barbara eden waiting to grant me any wish i want. Ugh. Well. This chapter was wonderful. I highly recommend this book to everyone. I love it. Haha anyways, this chapter was incredibly influential and an eye opener. The messages in this chapter almost seemed directed exactly towards me. Here are the four quotes that stuck out to me the most...
1.) "The stroke of the whip maketh marks in the flesh but the stroke of the tongue breatheth the bones."
2.) "But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison."
3.) "... escape our cultures obsession with comparing, competing, and never feeling we are "enough"."
4.) "In all of this, i suppose it goes without saying that negative speaking so often flows from negative thinking, including negative thinking about ourselves. We see our own faults, we speak - or at least think - critically of ourselves, and before long that is how we see everyone and everything. No sunshine, no promise of hope or happiness. Before long we and all around us are miserable."
There were many other touching messages throughout this chapter. It covers the sacred importance of our words. That through our words can we have the mightiest works be performed. "out of the same mouth proceedeth a blessing and a curse!" That the true "perfect man" is the one who doesnt offend others with words and has total control over their entire body.
I mean, ive always known of the importance of clean language. I know that swearing, gossiping, bein critical and verbally malicious towards others is wrong. But did that stop me? Im sad to say, no it did not. I have been completely and shamefully guilty of possessing a filthy mouth. Scars from childhood and the walls built up have left me the king of critique and with a sailors mouth. Am i proud of this? No. But am i aware of it and willing to change? Yes. Do i want to be a kinder, more loving person full of charity? Yes.
I want to make a somewhat public ( depending on how many read this ) apology. After a long self evaluation i realized i have been a lost and confused person. My happy life was fading and becoming miserable exactly because of my fourth quote. My words have been cold and negative, my thoughts, just the same. The two continued to play hand and hand. My head has been damaged from all the emotional and verbal abuse over the years caused not only by others, but by myself. I am extremely hard on myself. Ive never fully been satisfied and content with who i am. Ive never felt like im.. enough. Im always observing my flaws, constanly beatin myself up for my unusual characteristics. And the words from myself and others were comin in so regularly i began to believe them. And with those thoughts led to the consequence of wanting to prove the words wrong.. and i did that by comparing myself to others. To see who was lower than me. Who was worse off than i was. Who had what qualities, faults, traits, etc.. I became an analyst and observer of others. And with it building up in my head over a period of time.. the thoughts became words. Everything that began comin from my mouth was insulting, negatory, and almost always uncalled for. I found humor in pointing out others shortcomings and flaws rather than tryin to accept them and love them for who they were... i became like the others who made my life a nightmare. The ones who laughed, snickered, whispered behind your back, shouted out your flaws for all to hear. I became like them. And as much as i try to tell myself im not that kind of person... im sure they thought the same thing. We dont realize the harm and effect it has on others. but LISTEN. Our words have huge impacts on others. They pierce the heart and break more than just the bones. They break your soul. Your confidence. Your happiness. And when youre the one on the chopping block its hard to tune it out. Its not easy to ignore. It dances with confusion in your mind and twists your self esteem and the perception of yourself. So i want to apologize, to anyone i may have hurt with my words. If i brought tears to your eyes, sad thoughts to your mind, and hatred to your soul i am deeply and truly sorry. I have never wanted to be that person as i know first hand what its like to be critiqued and made fun of. I cried my night to sleep for years growin up because of the words and actions of others. I dont want to be the cause of that to another. My suffering was enough to barely handle and i would die if i knew i brought about that suffering to another. Please forgive me. Please. I never meant to hurt anyone. It all started as a sense of humor but got to the point to where i couldnt walk down the street or watch an event without makin nasty comments about every person my eyes caught sight of. I cant explain the pain and regret i feel for allowing myself to get this way. There really is no excuse. As easy as itd be to rationalize how i became this way.. its not enough to walk about scott free. We are all in control of who we are. We decide who we are, who we can be, who we want to be. No one else can decide that for us. We have to choose and allow ourselves to be molded into the person we want to have staring back at us in the mirror.
I am deeply sorry and want to apologize for the person i have become. I am going to try to become better. Be kinder, more loving, have a heart full of charity, and most importantly, have a mouth containing the tongue of an angel. I want to shout nothing but the beauty of others. Use my tongue to lift up others, comfort the sad, to cheer out for others, and to bring smiles to the wonderful faces of those i know and love. I know i cant do this alone. I am going to need to constant companionship of the Spirit and the support of my loving Heavenly Father. I have great faith that with my efforts will come about a much needed change. I have so many things in life to be happy about. I have been abundantly blessed. And its time i start to realize that rather than bring myself down and bring others down. Cause after a while, it eventually brought everything else crumbling too. Its time to clean up my thoughts and wash the stains off my tongue. Ive finally realized its time to head to the medicine cabinet, grab out the big bottle of life's Listerine, and say "awhhhh". :)

WOAH!! its september already...

2009-09-03T19:56:00.000-06:00

Holy CRAP!! where has the time gone? ive been so busy this month its ridiculous. Oh but what a month it was. I tackled two weddings, headshots, a family, two missionaries, two baby girls, miss murray, and some others. My photography is BOOMIN. and i can only hope for it to grow and for me to improve. i have made even more purchases. I have now purchased pocket wizards to wirelessly trigger my flash from off camera. CANNOT WAIT to start and try OCF. (off camera flash). I have an awesome fashion photo shoot planned to really start branching into new types of photography and to practice OCF. But enough about that. haha who wants to read about my amateur business? Well i do! but no one else... and i would hate to lose the whole 2 readers that read this besides me haha! Ok, to move onto more serious things in my life...
We'll start with my service mission. Sound ok? i think it sounds just great. (oh dear, im talkin to myself). I guess thats what comes with lonliness. ok. im hitting a tangent. Im LONELY!!! The summer has come to its end.. and all my friends are gone. I have three left in Murray. Three. One of which is a preschool teacher and college student. the other, a college student and DJ. and the other, a missionary in October... ah. its kinda sad. my whole life revolves around people. i need people for photography, to hit with on the tennis courts, to walk with, jog with, go out to eat with. All my favorite things to do in life.. include people. and when you take them all away what do you get? a very lonely and sad Michael. haha and thats the worst. Cause who am i? Ill tell you!
I am Michael Sandberg. I am an extremely ambitious and passionate person. When i really want to do something i fully dedicate my time and my sanity to get it done. I am an extrovert. i love a good party. i love to be loud and goofy and have fun. i love makin people laugh and bringing joy into their lives. I like to help others. Nothin is more satisfying then hearing that i made an impact on someone. I LOVE THAT. i am too generous for my own good. sometimes i think i so generous, one day ill switch everything i have with a homeless person. Id become homeless so that someone else might enjoy life. However, it would have to be a very LOVED homeless person. Cause i sometimes feel.. those who are homeless deserve to be. i mean Hello? are they not aware that they dont have to sit in the cold? eat next to nothin? sleep on the streets? use park bathrooms?!?! uh, that one would be the worst. Anyways, moving on. I am very loving. however, slightly bipolar with people. because of my past and how ive developed as a person i straddle the fence line with people. i can either be the nicest most caring and thoughtful person you know, or the coldest and most bitter. It all depends on YOU. if you burn me.. youre toast. i dont tolerate people very much, nor do i feel i have to. There are SOOO many people out in the world! Why try and make a friendship or relationship last when all it does is dangle by a thread.. when you could just clip that dang thread and find someone better? haha i promise im not heartless, just done with people who think they can do whatever they want and be forgiven. Nope. not how it works. anyways, haha moving on yet again. I am a very person oriented person. i love gettin to know others and especially love picking apart who they are. I love hearin about people struggles, their pasts, and what makes them happy. Love knowin how and why people tick the way they do. We all have skeletons in our closets, and i love kickin down the door and saying HELLO!! I am not a very patient person. I dont like oriental or sea food. I love to cook. and love to eat! I love to jog and exercise. LOVE TENNIS! Love photography. Love to help others. I think they need to invent an occupation where i can help others, play tennis, take pictures, and cook. What would we call that? A Photookennipist? :) Yes! thats my dream job. Now that i have my future career picked, i just need to find myself a wife!
Oh dear, which brings me to my dating life. Haha just the thought of how pathetic it is makes me laugh. Literally. Like out loud laughter. The mere thought of its existence is hilarious. Or i guess whats hilarious is how hard i have to try to remember what one is! :) i could make up a million and half excuses as to why i dont date. But i came to this conclusion.. im not going to start dating until im 25. Thats when all girls FINALLY come to their senses and stop dating every walking waste of skin. Every futureless jock. Every hard core future drug addict. Every fake half witted moron who has a nice appearance, but a hollow skull. I honestly dont understand girls. i take that back.. i do. just not when it comes to dating.
Oh yeah!! The service mission! Everything is going wonderfully. Had some scares and drama, but nothin i couldnt handle ;) the stake president called me in to hear how things were going. i informed him of every detail.. he decided he wanted to send me to the dairy and wanted to call my mission president and head photographer to see about moving me. So what did i do? I went and talked to them, and tried to smooth everything over so that i could stay. Id rather DIE than serve at the dairy. Whats the point of a service mission if you cant benefit ANYTHING from it. itd be merely wasting life. With the photo studio. im serving. while benefiting my future. and i LOVE doing it. Not to mention i have comp study and we have have district meetings and devotionals. It has a goal of having us spiritually grow. and i LOVE that. So life is good.
I look forward to having an awesome month. I am always tryin to see the positive and tthe light at the end of every tunnel. Even though sometimes id rather sit in the middle of the tunnel and cry and spit on the walls. But i eventually get off my sorry butt and sprint to the end. Just like i did at the Hobblecreek Half Marathon. Did it in 1:28!!!! AHH!! youd have to be a runner to appreciate that time. Its an average of a 6.4 minute mile for the whole 13 miles. Yes. I did it. And have the Sept. 12th marathon in my sights. That tunnel may be 26.2 miles long. But i will see the light, and i will sprint until ive made it out :) And this is how i go about my daily insane life. Take every tunnel as it is, with a fresh and good attitude, and run until i can feel the warm air at the other end!
And this my friends, is what you call the rantings of Michael Scott Sandberg. :)

August.

2009-08-08T22:27:00.000-06:00

what a month its been so far. Im training for a marathon with another half in two weeks. i just completed my first bridals, wedding, and dance company shoot. Lets just say all the stress left my body robbed of any energy but didnt stop there.. decided to make sure my face was left with a light sprinkling of zits. Thank you :) Much appreciated. But what good does complainin do? haha none. Although wishful thinkin ;) however the pics turned out wonderful. im very pleased with the turn out. On another note, i recently purchased the 580EX11. ITS WONDERFUL!! great external flash. Now i just need to learn how to work it. Especially with the lightsphere :) That accessory is fantastic.
As for my dating life, well ive decided its time to start one. I realized how tired of bein single i am and was frustrated as to why i wasnt findin anyone. Then after watching 500 days of summer, it hit me.. im not doin much. i need to put myself out there more. Go try new things meet new people. And today i realized... im done waiting around for the girls i wanted, but werent sure if they wanted me. They always straddle the fence and avoid makin a decision. Well here it is ladies. I deserve a girl who finds me absolutely exceptional. One who thinks of me and only me. Can look past my flaws and shortcomings and love me for me. So girls, if you havent seen that by now, youve missed your chance. The love train is leaving you behind. Ive spent too many months and even years waiting for someone to see and love me for me, to finally realize my amazing qualities and want to be with me and only me. Thats what i deserve,a girl who looks at me and sees me in a good light, but one strong enough to blind her from seein anyone else. i cant wait to find her.
On a side note. i miss school. i miss learning. desks. classes. teachers. students. interaction with new people. making friends. etc... Anyways, life is goin good. The gospel is true, Heavenly Father loves us all. Everyone keep smiling, keep enduring, keep helpin others, and keep headin in the direction of your goal. Love you all. :)

Times Going By...

2009-07-29T21:24:00.001-06:00

Hey Everyone,
Its been a while since i last blogged. Sorry. ive been extremely busy as usual. But this month has been so eventfull. I completed my second half marathon and beat my old time by 16 minutes!! i completed it in 1:42:46. That half marathon was down in Bryce Canyon. What a beautiful run! I went down and stayed in Panguitch with my aunt Amy and her family and my aunt Elisa's family. It was so much fun. We even hit Lake Powell for a day and i was able to capture some awesome photographs. Speakin of photographs... HOLY COW!! Business is takin off. I have three weddings scheduled, one possibly two bridals, two engagements, Riverton Dance Companies photos, and a couple more missionary shoots with the occasional family and baby shots. Im so thrilled that people are really starting to enjoy and appreciate my work. Its always been a dream to become a professional photographer and i feel im becoming closer with every passing day. But i cant say i did this alone. I was blessed by my loving Heavenly Father with this talent and the opportunity to serve in the photography department for the church. I have been learning so much. Its almost like an internship. Its been amazing. Bittersweet at times.. but with all things comes patience and long suffering right? And every mission has their ups and downs! Speakin of missions... another dear friend of mine is off to serve the Lord. What an amazing thing it has been to be blessed with the friendship of such fine young men who are so spiritual and willing to devote two years of their life to spread the Gospel worldwide and impact the lives of others. Truly incredible examples to me. Love them and theyll be missed. Ryan is headed to Russia and Mark is headed to Ohio. Both depart in three weeks! Im so happy for them. I know theyll do great and cant wait to keep hearin back from them. Anyways.. i have another half marathon comin up next month and possibly a FULL marathon yes 26.2 mile marathon in september! AH!! Bittersweet feelings for it. As long as i finish alive and without crap down my legs im happy haha! But with my aunt amy by my side it should be a BLAST!!
As for my service mission: Things are goin good. I am doin companion study with Elder Galovan. He is such a fun guy with a sweet spirit about him. He was called to serve in Mexico and served for 6 months but due to some attention issues was honorably released and he decided to serve in the audio visual department for the church. We study almost everyday for an hour and i really am enjoying it. I remember when they first told me i was goin to have to do that .. ill admit. i wasnt happy, excited, or thrilled. I was stressed and upset. But now that i got it started, really do enjoy it. It allows me to study and learn more about our church and the gospel. That in turn allows me to strengthen my testimony and grow as a member of this wonderful church.
So all in all its been a pretty good month. I finally got my monitor this month so im almost completely caught up with photos. And i LOVE it. Its perfect. Next addition to my photography is either goin to be a flash or a lens.. but im leanin towards a flash. What do we think?
But i hope everyone is doin well. Life is goin good. Its always nice to have things flowing nicely and not having too many big bumps to worry about. Granted i had a few this month but none to bring my spirits down. Im excited for August.. That will be the month of exploration, experimentation, and enjoyment. until next time. Best Wishes

The Month of June

2009-06-21T21:08:00.000-06:00

Hello Friends,
The month is coming to an end and i realized i havent even blogged. I apologize. A lot has been happening and have been pretty busy. Lets start from the top. One of the only guy friends i had left for Russia. For two years. Gone. I felt sick and creid for days. Both before and after he left. Miss that kid to death. I had a few spiritual experiences that changed my life. At my friends mission farewell, Elder Taylor Cox spoke on the answers of prayer and how they touched his life and how we all can receive answer to prayer. He opened my eyes to a whole new outlook on prayer. For years i felt like i wasnt receiving many answers to my prayers. He spoke of the scriptures bein a way for Heavenly Father to speak back to us. He suggested reading the scriptures after we pray... I tried it. And never received so many answers to a prayer in my life all at once. I sobbed for hours. I felt so close to him and the spirit. It was wonderful. Also in the month i received much comfort from my loving Bishop. I wrote him emails in agony. Suffering with so many mental problems i was having with my mission. I dont think people realize how hard it is to be on a service mission. You feel like youre living two separate lives. Like living with an identity crisis. How did superman do it? Haha thats probably why he was superman. I mean think about all the little things to stress over on a service mission: What to wear when there are three different groups wantin you to wear different stuff. What music to listen to in the car on the way to service? Do ya wear the missionary tag and listen to hip hop anyways? or take off the tag? or just roll up the windows? or wear the tag and listen to church music with the windows down? When i go out to lunch with my sister in law, should i remove the badge? I feel like a walking target of judgement from everyone. I dont wanna be another reason for people to get wrong ideas about the church.People dont understand service missions. Most dont even know what they are. i hate negative attention. who doesnt? but i am learning a lot there and enjoyin it. its truly a blessing. but all missions are hard. So i guess i cant complain too much. However i do feel im still here for a reason. There are so many people struggling. So many out there who feel alone and lost. And i know i have a knack at not only cheering people up. but comforting them in their time of need and uplifting them to help them along the straight and narrow. i love my friends dearly and my heart goes out to those who suffer, Nothin pains me more than the sadness of someone else. Also, my photography is really kickin off. im gettin more an more offers as time goes on. However, until i get a nice monitor have put photoshoots and retouchin on hold. I dont have a nice enough monitor to give the quality of editing id like. But i am improving and know that Heavenly Father is watching over me and helpin out. Today is fathers day. And can i just say what an amazing dad i have?! He truly is the best dad a boy could ask for. Sure he and i dont have tons in common. But i know he loves me anyways. Some days i wished i was more like my brothers so we could have the bond they do. But then i realize i am who i am. And he has always been so supportive in my tennis and photography and jogging. And i truly appreciate all his hard work to bring in the income he does to provide not only for me but my wonderful family. I love them all with all my heart. Oh yeah! i started teachin early morning tennis again. Im lovin it and missed it sooo much. Nothin starts my day off better than hittin the ball and helpin others get better. Its a blast. As for the dating life.. its been interesting. I found three amazing girls all at once and dont know what to do with them. Theyre all so wonderful in different ways. One of them ive had a thing for for almost a year now and have honestly felt feeling of love for her. The other is fun and spunky that i cant stop thinkin about. And the other is so thoughtful and is willing to do mostly anything to make me happy. She is so sweet and cute. I feel blessed to have them in my life. I just dont know what to do haha. Oh the struggles of bein single haha. But honestly im kinda tired of bein single. Im ready for love. Ready for a life long adventure with my one and only. Im ready to be made whole.

The Truest Results of an Online Quiz

2009-06-05T00:15:00.000-06:00

Here are the results of an online quiz that asks what state do you belong in... haha this is me to the T.

Stereotypical to that of a true Texan, you like everything big! You like your steak big, your parties big, your cars big, your houses big, but most importantly.. you love big! When you devote yourself to something, be it a career, a sport, a goal, a challenge, an obstacle, or a person, you give it 110% every time. And although you have a big ego, you do have your reasons. You are hard-headed and stubborn, but you can back up your point to the death and always end up getting your way. You spend countless hours on keeping in shape and expect those close to you to stay just as healthy. Finding love won't be easy for someone with such high standards, but when you find that special someone that completely throws you for a loop and really gives you a run for your money, you will undoubtedly accept the challenge. And in the end, that special someone that can really keep you on your toes will totally be worth it.

Oquirrh Temple

2009-04-22T23:51:00.000-06:00

This week has been so amazing. I have been working in the Oquirrh Mountain temple all week and cant wait for it to be dedicated and opened. It is so beautiful inside. Its very elegant and cozy with a modern vibe. I love it. The only downside lies in the bridal room. It had the most AMAZING carpet id ever seen. But because it was a risk had to be ripped out an replaced. Too modern and hip for the older and out dated men i suppose. I was crushed. the carpet was an art piece in itself. Like a stained glass window carpet. I fun design put together by four different carpets cut and trimmed to lay down beautifully. oh well. The temple is still wonderful.
As for whats new... I completed my first half marathon ever! I participated in the Salt Lake City Half Marathon and did it in 1:58:44! I placed 1366/4125. Not too bad for my first one but no i can do better the next time!
As for the fam we are all doin good. Had a bit of drama due to miscommunication and the overwhleming of the hopefully new addition to the family, Sadie! She is such a cute and sweet person. I already love her as my own sister. I love having her around and cant wait to have her join the crazy clan we call a family haha! Jadyn is gettin cuter everyday and i cant wait to start doin lots of fun shoots for her! She is adorable.
Therapy is goin really well too! I am so glad im goin. I encourage everyone struggling to give it a try. I am learnin to accept my weaknesses and put the past behind me. Mixing theraoy with service is improving my happiness levels. I think this month has been one of the happiest! Everything has been goin so smoothly. I get blessed with a new awesome friend, had one of my old good friends who i look up to come home, am enjoying the free education and opportunity of my service mission, have a possible new addition to the family, completed my first half marathon, and am finally stopping to smell the roses of life! atleast these kind dont give me a runny nose ;)

Life is.... Great!

2009-04-19T18:23:00.001-06:00

Hey Guys!
The month of April has been so much smoother and nicer than March! Things are already lookin up! The service mission is goin good! So far i have had the honor of meeting the 2008 General Young Mens Presidency, Sis. Cook, Sis. Lant (General Primary Pres.), The Seven Presidents of the Seventy, the Quorum of the 12 in which i shook the hands of Perry, Holland, and Anderson. Uchtdorf even smiled and winked at me! haha! He is such a fun spirited person! I then had the priviledge of helping with a shoot with the prophet Thomas S Monson. Meeting him wasnt how i thought itd be but i am grateful just to have been able to be around him. He is quite the comedian. And not only does my service mission allow me to meet amazing people, i get to work with fun outgoing photographers. They have all finally warmed up to me and are gettin along. And guess what?!?! When i helped to shoot the YW Conference, they selected one of my eight photos out of the 850 submitted to go into the May Ensign with 79 others. SO EXCITED! Im having a picture published haha. Not only one... the other day, i was asked to shoot my first studio picture. I was needed to take a picture of a bicycle wheel with a white background for the July edition of the New Era. Sounds easy... it wasnt. Took a couple hours just to shoot a bicycle wheel! People dont realize how long a picture really takes. But luckily the main photographer Craig Dimond helped me out a bit. OH YEAH and guess what else? This coming week im going to be spending hours helping with the photographing of the inside of the new temple out in Day Break. Way excited!
As for the social life... things are much better! I found a new friend who has made already a huge impact on my life. He is everything i could ask for in a friend. He likes talkin and hangin out with me and doesnt get overwhelmed. Haha just when i thought no one was left. Our personalities click well and have hung out a couple times and went out on a double date last night. I got to meet his girlfriend and introduced them to my current interest, Sarah. Sarah is adorable! She is a junior at Murray High School and has the cutest personality. It reminds me of Kelsey Waltons personality which i love! Shes girly, bubbly, fun, charming, social, active, loud, and every other good quality. We had such a good time last night. And whats even better is knowing that were goin out again next weekend! Cant wait for it!
My goals for the next little bit... Oh the list that never ends ;)
*Try to uplift others rather than bring them down
*Learn to love myself to eventually love and trust others
*Make an impact in the lives of others in a positive way
*Read scriptures for 10 minutes daily
*Go to the temple weekly.
I hope that in doing these things my life will be happier and continue in a positive direction. Im really learning a lot about myself and who i am and am getting closer to self acceptance. I feel that if i can accomplish that while still trying to live righteously then ill have nothing left but an amazing present and future!

Its Been Ages!!

2009-03-31T23:20:00.000-06:00

Hey!
Sorry its been a while since i last posted about the highly favored topic of me, myself, and i. haha! I am currently sitting out on the veranda at a condo in the beautiful Ramona, CA. I LOVE IT HERE!!! never wanna go back home.
Anyways... Update!
This month has definately left its mark! What a month it has been! The first few weeks were utter hell. Pardon my language. But it sent me into therapy which has been long overdue and added an unwelcomed 8 pounds to my body. Thanks MARCH! Why such a hellacious month? Let me inform you :)
1. had two vacations i had planned get canceled last minute.
2. Ruined three almost four friendships (not to mention for just being me... but got misinterpretted and unappreciated)
3. Struggled with my weight gain
4. Worried about the little things so much they became big
5. Started therapy. (which i LOVE)
6. Got irritated with some loved ones.
7. Started my service mission.

I have left out details i know.. but its already enough to overwhelm anyone! HAHA!! Speaking of overwhelm... I was called overwhelming by two friends.. Wanna know why? Because i took the time out of my day to spoil them after they had surgery, or texted them askin how their day or test went. "WHOA!! back off michael ya wedger!" I mean... whats wrong with people? My motto has always been to try and be the friend you wished you had. Haha... while this motto is good... i realized.. i am so different and unique from anyone out there. Im almost lookin for a needle in a hay stack. haha but then i got thinking.. if im lookin for a friend like me.. maybe id get overwhelmed by them too haha!! I would hope not. Whats that say about me? :)

But on a more positive note. Life has gotten SOOOOOOO much better! I have learned a lot about myself and am feelin happier. I have gained new friends and learned to truly appreciate the ones who have stuck with me. They mean the world to me. As does my family. I cant tell you enough times on how much i LOVE my family. They are the best. My aunts, cousins, parents, brothers, sis in law, niece, grandparents, and uncles are the BEST. The Lord truly knew what he was doin when he blessed me with them.
And on a separate note.. Ive realized that people dont always mix.. and thats ok! But i just needed to learn that i love who i am.. give or take a few loose screws ;) But all in all... i am who i am. And im gonna ROCK IT. Cause last time i checked, im still Michael Sandberg. And who is he? He is a fun loving, outgoing, cheerful, realistic, creative, generous, spunky, crazy, and smart guy. Granted i am a bit unstable,edgy, bitter, depressed,black & white, and cold... but it just comes with who i am. No one is perfect. And being being perfect now doesnt matter.. its all about our heart and the direction were goin in! I just hope to grasp tight to the irod rod and take my baby steps toward tasting that delicious fruit at the end of the long and narrow path. :)

Tossing and Turning

2009-03-02T14:12:00.000-07:00

Today seems like the perfect day to blog. I was up late last night tossing and turning leaving me restless and blank. In addition, Its cloudy outside and has left me wanting to wrap up in a blanket and vent about my life. Not that i have much of a life to talk about... but changes have occured and with new changes comes a new chapter or atleast a page in my life story.

An update on the service mission goes as follows: I am applying for a service mission in the photography department at the church office building. I would be working under the direction of the chief photographer. Should be quite the amazing experience and opportunity. It will be the perfect way to mix serving the Lord with something i enjoy doing. So now its just a matter of filling out even MORE paperwork then getting re-interviewed by the bishop and stake president. haha! Who would have thought it would take this much time and effort to serve the Lord?

As for my personal life... I am training for a half marathon that will take place on April 18th. I am so excited. I will be jogging alongside two of my amazingly wonderful aunts, Amy and Elisa. Also entering the half marathon will be my sweet cousin Maria, my mom, my aunt Joy, my cousin Jordan, and my uncle Jon. Hopefully we will be able to run it in a decent time and while sharing a memory to be cherished forever. I absolutely love my whole family. I cant say it enough. Theyre the greatest.

Oooh yeah! I also quit working part time at Maceys and will only be working as a seasonal worker. This means i am only required to work once every three months. So itll be nice to take a break from grocery hell. You would never think what a pain it is to work at a grocery store. In just the six months i worked there i learned that they cashier, bag, bring in carts, scrub bathrooms (even pick up toilet paper off the floor thats been wiped on!!!!! or disposing of empty personal lubricant bottles with balloons sitting next to them!) people are pigs, we even help people out with their groceries. We have to do price checks and spill clean ups and help guests find what theyre looking for or write rain checks for what we dont have. Its a lot of unrecognized work.

As for my dating life... i currently went on a date with an amazing girl named Lizzie. She is into photography and all the arts. She is extremely creative, funny, outgoing, and religious. I decided to take her out for her birthday and eveb made her a birthday cake! It took almost the whole day to make but the turn out was well worth the hours and stress. It was a vanilla cake with a strawberry filling. A buttercream and pink vanilla frosting with strawberry yogos for decoration. For the date we went to her favorite restaurant, Applebees. We both ordered something different and new and it paid off. It was good. We then went ice skating and laughed the night away. We then retired back to my house for cake and ice cream. What a fun date.

But other than that i have been after a girl named Ashely. She is so sweet and quite the lady. She is truly an amazing person who has made me see life in a different way and has made me atleast attempt to be a better person. Haha the only problem is that patience is required. She is extremely busy with schooling and daily life that our schedules never seem to meet up :( But i have hope that things will work out sometime soon.

As for my photography... i have been scheduling shoot after shoot. I have about 6 shoots planned to happen within the month. Nothin makes my day better than doin a photoshoot. I absolutely love photography and only hope to get better as time goes by.

When it comes to my mental health and peace of mind... life has been kinda rocky. Ive been having my ups and downs. I still am struggling with finding the key to happiness. I feel like im constanly tossing and turning like in my sleep last night. But i find comfort in knowing that after the hard times have passed ill be able to wake up and start a new day :)

19... Time for a Mission

2009-02-15T13:41:00.001-07:00

Like most things in my life... i get to stand out. When i turned 19 i worked on getting my mission papers to keep my life moving in the right direction. I finished my papers and nervously submitted them. It wasnt easy filling them out as it takes FOREVER with the myriad questions and also brought back a lot of pain. It asks a lot of questions about your life and past which requires honest answers. And my childhood was unhappily exposed to a couple more people. But i did it. Then came time for the picture. Needless to say we had to do three photoshoots as we had complications with how my hair had to look with the set of missionary hair standards and having a good picture too :) Then after that came the interviews. Those were the easiest steps in the process haha. My papers were then submitted. It took a lot of faith to submit my papers as i am allergic to all mammals, birds, plants, fresh fruits and veggies, pollen, dust mites, raw egg yolks, cigarette smoke, and DEATHLY allergic to all nuts. The allergies made me concerned cause almost 80 % of households contain pets or smoke. Which means that when i went to teach my nose would become niagra falls. Then with dinner appointments i would have had anxiety levels like never before always worrying if nuts were around or inside the food. The list of worries and concerns about a mission go on... haha! But i did it anyways knowing the Lord would pull through for me and keep me safe if i put my trust in him. The Lord truly does love me and i can feel that for me. He knows me personally and must have a purpose for me here on Earth cause ive dodged a fair amount of bullets haha. I just wish i knew what it was. One day i will. Anyways, after what felt like forever (only a month) i got my answer. My stake president called me in for a sudden meeting. My parents and i waited and were nervous to hear what he had to say. During the meeting we learned i had been honorably discharged from full time missionary service. Completely excused. With that said there is an alternative which i am taking. I am going to be serving a church service mission. What the mission is, is up to me! So i have a lot of searching and praying to do but i know ill find what im supposed to do. With this service mission i am required to work 8-32 hours a week for twelve months. What i like about it is that i dont have to stay with one thing. I can mix it up and try different things just as long as im serving. I am really excited for this mission. It couldnt have fit me more perfectly. I get to stay home and live a normal life. I get to stay away from danger. I can watch Jadyn and Kensie grow :) I dont have to have constant stress or worry. I get to go back to school, pursue a career, and find my eternal companion. This really is what the Lord wants for me. He knew of my situation and blessed me. He took me under his wing and kept me safe. I love Heavenly Father with all my heart and am so grateful for all he has done for me. I am also very grateful to my family for all their love and support. I have the greatest intermediate and external family ever. They are my protectors, comforters, exercise partners, story deliverers, love givers, delicious food suppliers, and my best clients haha! I am so glad i get to stay in Murray and continue to make memories and build stronger relationships with them :)
So church service mission... here i come :)

Words From The Scriptures

2009-01-21T11:38:00.000-07:00

Hey.
This week has been awesome! I met an amazing girl who has already begun to influence my life. Shes beautiful, sweet, spiritual, and fun! How could ya go wrong? Anyways, we were talkin about our favorite scriptures one night and here are a couple that stuck out to me.

D&C 9:13~
Do this thing which i have commanded you, and you shall prosper. Be faithful,
and yield to no temptation.

D&C 81:5-6~
Wherefore, be faithful; stand in the office which i have appointed you; succor
the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees.
And if thou art faithful unto the end thou shalt have a crown of immortality,
and eternal life in the mansions which i have prepared in the house of my
Father.

Philippians 4:13 ~
I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

1 Nephi 15:24~
And i said unto them that it was the word of god; and whoso would
hearken unto the word of god, and would hold fast unto it, they would
never perish; neither could the temptations and the fiery darts of the
adversary overpower them unto blindness, to lead them away to
destruction.

Arent those amazing? I just think its so comforting to know that if were doing what we need to and following the word of god Satan cant bring us down. And i also loved the scripture referring to helping others cause i think that is overlooked a lot in todays world. We need to comfort those in need of comfort and lift up those who are down. And it never hurts to know that if we do all the right things and are striving to be more like Christ we will inherit eternal life, glory, and happiness!

Theft.

2009-01-12T22:56:00.000-07:00

Today a man tried to steal beer... I feel sorry for him.

Whats Wrong? Whats Missing?

2009-01-12T22:27:00.000-07:00

Why do i feel like my life is missing something? Im not fully happy. Why do i always regret the past and wish i could do it over again? Sure things happen for a reason.. but i still wish i could do things over. Why am i constantly falling in and out of emotions with girls? Why cant i just find someone amazing who ill love with all my heart and she'll return it? Why cant i take back the girl i long for? I want so badly to have her understand that i was wrong in letting her slip away from me and want to start over. She was perfect but was just too green and i was too young and stupid to realize how good she was and gave it up freely thinking id find better. Maybe all we needed was time to come to our senses... maybe its not meant to be. Mental mind games are rough.
Maybe what im missing is the full acceptance of myself. My life has been so hard and i have been battling the after effects of all the trials ive faced. I wish i could talk to those i love about them but cant. I talk to my friends and even strangers about it but its not the same. Why are people so cruel? Why does Satan have to poison the minds of others to commit the worst of sins?
I know that they say trials are there to make us stronger and make us more like God but how much more can i handle? Maybe this is what im about to discover.. an analogy was given about a guy who heats things until he can see his reflection in his creation.. they tied that into us and the Lord. He heats and temps us until the point where he can see his reflection in us. I want to be Christ-like and serve him and do whats right. I want to eventually achieve eternal life and be happy forever. I just hope that the worst of my trials are over and i now can turn my life around to become like him.
Why cant I open my heart to people? Why do i feel alone? Why is it that i can know someone and become good friends with them to eventually drop them like a hat and not look back? Is it the defense mechanisms ive built to become obsolete from the pain caused by others?
Why cant i be at peace with myself? Why cant i love myself? Is anyone truly happy?
Why is life so hard? Someone once told me.. the Gospel is easy.. Life is hard. And i truly believe that. However, i am so grateful to have to gospel in my life. I dont know where id be without it. The gospel has given me a way to live my life in a way i see fit.. for the most part. They say rules are given for the weakest and not the strongest.. then again. we all have weaknesses.
Why cant the second coming come already? Im tired of stressing. Im tired of allergies and all the temptations of the devil. I want to rest in paradise. I want happiness.

First Act Of Kindness!

2009-01-12T21:42:00.000-07:00

Act of Kindness #1 :

Today I decided to surprise an elderly woman in my ward with flowers. She is the worlds sweetest woman alive. I used to take her and her husband the sacrament every week and they would always embrace ya with a warm hug and rave on how good looking you were. Afterwards they would reward ya with a treat. She also was always tryin to have us stay for a visit and she would entertain us with her amazing talent on the piano. She doesnt play with music. She plays solely by ear and plays every song better than the original version. Truley talented. So i thought i would pay her that visit and let her know how much she was appreciated and loved. When she saw the flowers she covered my cheeks in kisses and gave me several hugs. It made my day and made me feel good about myself. I cant wait to do more for others.

Elders Quorum Thought

2009-01-11T20:57:00.000-07:00

Today at church as I was mindlessly doodling while listening in elders quorum and was struck by a statement made by someone in the quorum. We were discussing qualities of a leader and we listed the basics like confident, honest, hardworking.. but then we got deeper by saying loving and needed to be previously led and needs to have faith. Anyways. When we were discussing that they needed to be loving we hit a tangent. Someone was mentioning that being loving is a hard quality to gain. I myself really struggle with being able to love others. So the quote was, "Before you can love others, you have to love yourself ". It then hit me!! I need to start seeing myself as someone great and important and loved. I need to feel special and worth something. So then they went on to say that in order to love yourself you can do service because service is a way to find yourself. They said by helping others you help yourself and in turn will love not only yourself but those around you. And it all finally made sense to me! So the new plan im applying to my life is... to do more service. :)

Lookin' Back on 2008

2009-01-03T21:15:00.001-07:00

Hey There,
Another chapter in my life has been published with the ending of year 2008. I cant believe im now 19 years old and months away from a mission. Boy the time goes by quick. However, even though the year may have come and gone in the blink of eye.. the memories made will stay with me forever.
Months have come and gone and so has schooling. I graduated from both high school and college. Well.. half of college anyways. I completed my associates degree in august. I love the fact that i got a head start. It was a tough year battling countless college courses filled with essays, labs, sketches, and tests. I barely survived. This year was filled with too many late nights workin on projects and homework and gettin up early to start my day off with a boost of spiritual feeding at early morning seminary. Needless to say i looked like death but managed to pull myself up daily to keep on going.
As for friends i had many friends come and go. Some were even formed then lost within months haha. I guess i come on too strong with people and scare them away. Oh well. Its life. However, my closest friends still are managing to stay by my side and i love them with everything i got. My friendship with Annie was strengthened and i couldnt be more happy about it. Although it seems when one friendship gets stronger another weakens. I had a couple of those unfortunately. But i had to realize that the ending of high school meant trimming off the friends. That was hard to adjust to.
Speakin of trimming off. This year i managed to not only maintain but lose even more weight. I became an avid jogger this year and got up to 7.5 miles in one hour. My longest jog of the summer was close to 9 miles. I got in the best shape of my life. I even got to enjoy the experience of hiking up 3/4 of Mt. Olympus without even feelin tired. That was an experience with my brother brandon that ill never forget. He and i have gotten closer this year and have started doin fun twisted photoshoots together. The results have been awesome.
And with the talk of photoshoots brings up the best thing of the year. I started my own photography this year. It started with one of my favorite ladies ever, Mrs. Spackman, wanting me to come do tennis shoots for the girls at Brighton. That then got me into goin out and taking pictures. That then spread to doing portraits, then family photos, then artistic shoots. I have been having a blast and love getting better. I look forward to a bright future in photography.
Another thing to look back on this year was the ladies that came and went. This was the first year i had a good amount dates. First was Kaley, she was beautiful, sweet and so cute. I could feel she cared about me and we had so many good times together. I got really comfortable with her and gave her her first kiss. It was one ill never forget. Unfortunately things didnt work out. She was too innocent and i felt she wasnt the one for me. Then came Megan. She was athletic and sexy. And she too really cared about me and i cared for her. But when i couldnt get passed how shy she was things then ended. Then came Nycole soon after. We thought we were meant for eachother... Planned out our lives.. baby names...Needless to say, we were wrong.
This year had also meant the coming of preparing for a mission. I ended my addiction to caffeine and am now working on my swearing issues. That ones a tough one to break. Now i just feel that im finally clean and worthy for a mission.. but am lacking all the knowledge needed. Sure i have a bit more than the basics but just feel unprepared. Its a scary thought knowing you are goin to leave for two years and be away from home and loved ones. I dont know if ill be able to handle it but know the lord will bless me.
OH YEAH!! This year i finally had my prayers answered and was blessed with a beautiful niece. Jadyn Ann Sandberg was born July 22 2008. She is such a cute lil stinker. Her smile and wide eyes make my day. Truly a blessing. But not only that but my favorite cousin Maria was blessed with a baby girl too. Kensie Joy Johnson. She is adorable and stole my heart when i first held her. Her eyebrow expressions are so cute. I love them to death.
Anyways.. thats been my year. School was a battle i overcame. I lost extra weight with the help of an exercising disorder. Gained new friendships and lost girlfriends. And am looking forward to writing the next chapter in my life :)

Best Friends...

2008-11-13T00:17:00.000-07:00

Why is it so incredibly difficult to find, let alone keep a best friend? This year, haha what am i saying? Every year, has been such a struggle for me. I have gained so many best friends but fail at keeping them around. Some by choice.. others by their choices.
For example.. Tyler Dunyon. He has almost been my best friend since 6th grade except for the junior high years. We became closer in high school again. We have always had amazingly fun times together from running through the malls with squirt guns, puttin our faces up against glass elevators, flattening coins on the trax, eating out, stayin up late, cookin food, and bowling. We have even worked together at two different places. We have always managed to stay close and add memories as we go. However, he got married last year and now works basically 24-7. With the time he has left it is spent relaxing or at home with his wife. Can i blame him? Not at all! He is doin the responsible thing to work and live in his new life. His wife is so much fun and a blast to be around. I am so happy for them both but at times feel left out. I am so tired of bein the third wheel and bein alone. But finding a girl for me is another story.
I then have DeeDee. We have been best friends since 7th grade. We spent most of our junior high years on the phone with eachother every day and night. We actually never hung out until our sophomore year. How that was put off for so long beats me. Thats kind of how our friendship has always been though. We have always been conversation friends. Its like were eachothers personal therapist haha! We talk and help eachother through our ups and downs. She is amazing but we lack in the hangin out department. Especially now, with us growin up she is down at UVU and 30 minutes away. So we rarely get to hang out. But try to make an effort of seein eachother weekly thats what friendship is about. Takin the time out to see eachother. Were still close and talk all the time. She means the world to me and am so grateful for all shes done for me. She has accepted me and loves me for me and thats all i can ask. She doesnt care that i have mental issues and just tries to help me through them. It means a lot. We have grown closer almost every year that goes by and i hope we continue to do so.
Then there's Kelsey. Where to begin with that girl. We became best friends in 9th grade and were inseparable for two years or so. We did lots together and loved spending time with one another. We grew so close and comfortable with eachother. I thought i had found the ultimate best friend. However, she was into dating and boys while i was focused with my studies and finishing my associates degree. We then got jobs, busy, and grew apart. Now.. these days, our friendship is dead. I thought this was gonna be the girl i could spend the rest of my life with. I was in love with her and painfully suffered watching her date every loser out there. We occasionally talked about marriage but i never knew whether to take her seriously. We then discussed it one night and i discovered she was unwilling to give up nuts and pets for my safety. Im deathly allergic to nuts and need my wife to avoid them in order to keep me protected. Im also allergic to the fur on all mammals. She refused to give up the idea of a house dog. So i came to the realization that she didnt love me as much as i did her. She didnt love me enough to put me first. Then again, she never did that ever. I love Kelsey to death but fear our days are over. Once i realized marriage was out of the question it dawned on me.. there was nothin left. It was my extreme love for her that kept me around. Once i lost it.. i lost her.
Then there is Celeste. My crazy coconut. I absolutely love the girl. She has been one of the greatest friends that i have had enter into my life. We are in some ways completely opposite.. but at the same time so similar. Its crazy. I enjoy her company so much there are days where i feel like thats all i wanna do is be with her 24-7. We have such good times cooking, goin to the library, takin photos, and having our deep conversations. She is truly amazing and i have secretly had a huge thing for her but never wanted to admit it to myself to avoid heartbreak and puttin a weird vibe on our friendship. She is the kinda person you could always be around and never get sick of them. Especially on the dance floor! She is a wild woman and dancin with her was some of the funnest nights iv ever had. She is so interestin and different from anyone. Her humor and wit is something i cant get enough of. I thought our friendship was hittin the ultimate top but then we graduated. She then decided to go to Arizona for college leavin me behind. That killed me! But we still talk weekly and i constanly text her to let her know how much she is missed. I really do miss that girl so much. I hope that in a couple years when i get back from my mission we can live close by and spend many more times together.
Then there is Matt. What a guy! I got to know him really well this year and we got pretty close. We had vent nights where we could just release and openly let go of all the things and people that were buggin us. Gossip? No. Just bluntly state the truth on others. Those nights were some of the best. He unfortunately is goin to USU. So now the distance put between us has left me without my pal to go clubbin with, hang out with the girls he picked up, and vent. He is definately someone i would like remainin close with as we get older. Haha someone i could do poker nights with or double dating with the wives haha. Unfortunately, he is now three hours away and it kills me. However, he is really good at showin me he appreciates our friendship rather than just sayin it. He has never really been one to talk all the time. It is the rare occasion to have a conversation when were not hangin out. Thats how he likes it. Hes not a fan of pointless texting. I rather enjoy it cause it entertains me and fills the emptiness in my life.
Im so lonely. Sure i have my family and few friends but its not enough to keep my truly satisfied and happy. Depression is constantly knockin at my door and im tryin so hard to avoid it. I get depressed often from different things. But usually its from the lack of company and good friendships. All of the people i mentioned have had such an influence in my life and our memories together will always be cherished. I hope to remain in contact with most of them over the years. If only i could find someone to fill their shoes. I would never want them to feel or be replaced because they couldnt. I just need to find someone new to step up and be there for me. I need a constant friend to talk to me and hang out with me. I want someone to show they appreciate our friendship and remind me as i try to do with them. I feel it is important to remind others of your appreciation for them. Maybe thats just me. With close friends i try to be the best i can for them. Be there for them always and treat them as good as id like to be treated.
For the record, i hope all my friends know how much they mean to me. Without them, i dont know where id be! Love you guys!

Rants and Raves from the Restless

2008-11-02T21:41:00.000-07:00

Since the last time I posted a blog Ive had my definate ups and downs! And through them all I have been losing sleep. Every night I have been goin to bed extremely late talkin to friends, editing pictures, updating websites, or learning the newest info on photography.

As for my ups things are going so good! Work is goin well even though I will mention some downs about it in a sec. I am meeting new people at work and one in particular is turning out to be a great catch. She is the #1 singles player on Kearn's varsity tennis team, a member of dance company, a good student, and amazingly good looking! I met her at work which cracks me up cause I always laughed at people who met at work. I guess i thought id never do that. Haha. But she has been a good surprise and addition to my life. We havea couple dates planned and have hung out a few times already. Hopes for the future :) In addition, my photography has been goin well and I have a couple shoots planned this month while just finishing one today! Also, i went and got two suits with pants to match for my mission and LOVE them. I have never worn a nice tailored suit before and now i dont know how i went to church without them. I got to wear one for the first time today while bein apart of the sweetest new addition to my cousin Maria's family, Kensie. She is such a blessing and a joy. Seein her makes my day. Another bonus is the wonderful amounts of money i have been receiving from working. My hair looks the best it has my whole life and im hangin out with new people now and rebuilding a social life once again. I just hope i dont end up losing them as i have the others. Which brings me to the negatives of my current life.

Why are people so retarded? And why do i resent people so much? Haha that answer is simple. They suck! All people do in life is make you believe youre the best of friends and comfort ya with their words only to turn around and burn you! People do nothing but hurt you. Almost every person you ever come in contact with will hurt you. It doesnt matter how big or small but they will. Now does that mean people dont deserve a chance? Heavens no! I love meeting new people and gettin to know them and their life stories. I like knowin how people tick. And once ive made up my mind with ya its one way or the other. If i like ya.. i can be the nicest person youll ever meet. If i dont.. stay away or brace yourself because youve just screwed yourself over. I dont really like believing in second chances unless they really whole heartedly convince me they deserve one. If im convinced they get one more shot. Burn me again.. youre cut off forver. There are so many people out there in the world. Why waste your time with the same people you hopw will one day change? They wont! Ditch them and find someone else! It like marketing.. and the law of averages.. the more people ya meet.. the more likely you are to finding the best people. What else is suckin these days? The fact that i have eatin so much candy that i am consumed with not only guilt but pains in my stomach from eatin too much haha! As for work... I HATE BAGGING!! Baggin is no fun! I feel looked down on and hate bein treated like im lower than the customer. People DONT bite the hand thats loadin your groceries! I just might load the heavy food on your produce! Or break your chips! Or people frozen with non frozed just to ruin your food! Dont make me angry or pay the consequences! Haha! And my work has given me one checking shift out of 8 shifts! Im bagging the other seven. Its horrible. In addition, girls are so confusing and i dont know what to do with them. Im not used to the constant attention or compliments that i am now receiving. I have a couple girls that iv heard have interest but unfortunatley its not returned. Then with those iv given chances before that didnt take them.. are now slightly bringing things back up of regret. Not to mention the one girl i thought id spend my life with turned out to still be the same self centered girl i lost to college. I was hopin shed grow up and realize she could give and take.. Nope! So we talked it over and as far as im concerned.. im done tryin with her. So thats the downs in my current life. haha!

But there is always hope for the future! I am an optimistic realist! With everything im strugglin in i know it will eventually make me stronger and i know the future holds great things for me. Hopefully soon cause im feelin my monthly depression comin in! hopefully something amazing will happen to post pone it a couple days haha! Gotta love bein a mental wreck! But its me! Accept me or get out of my way cause im moving on!

I Love Striking Image Salon :)

2008-10-28T17:23:00.001-06:00

Hey Guys!
I got my hair done last week and love it! It is so fun and edgy. It took me a while to adjust to it but grew to really like it. However, with rules on appearance and such at work I need to change it. Im kinda depressed and excited at the same time. I get my hair done at Striking Image Salon. I LOVE it there :) I went for the first time last week. The stylist there is Trisha Simon. She is an extremely warm and friendly person. She has a great eye for hair and is insanely talented! I would highly suggest you to go and give her a try. She is good at makin the client feel comfortable and relaxed. She is currently enjoyin the freedom of workin in the comfort of her own home after workin in salons for years. I am goin in tomorrow morning to get my hair re-done. Here are some of the pictures of the edgy cut and color I rocked out this week. Thanks again Trisha!! You are amazing! Im not kidding. The girl is freakin talented and should be considered for your next appointment. Tomorrow im gettin a solid chocolate brown color with capped in blonde hightlights rather than weaved in. This is less extreme but is still cool. Ill be sure to post the new hair tomorrow.Everyone make sure to check out her website at http://www.strikingimagesalon.com/!!

The Annual Archbold Halloween Party!

2008-10-19T20:03:00.000-06:00

The day finally came!! Today was the family Halloween party that I have been looking forward to all month! My aunt Mary hosted it at her house and threw another amazing party as usual. She is so fun and LOVES halloween. There were so many great costumes this year and we even agreed it could have been the family's best ever! I went as an old fashioned tennis player rockin the extremely high shorts, polo, long socks, feathered hair and head band. We had costumes from the blades of glory worn by my brother and cousin. A mexican maracca dancer rocked out by my uncle Rick. Haha he took home the best costume award! It was hilarious. We also had lil red riding hood with the big bad wolf dressed as the grandma. Along with them was the Ax woodsman. We also had the political costumes with John McCain and Sarah Palin. We had witches, fairies, ghosts, pop cans, and so many other great costumes. We had sooo much food that i enjoyed :) We had soups and cookies, treats, breadsticks, the smoky cauldron root beer and more. We all had such a fun time! I was lucky enough to walk out with the "Most Uncomfortable Costume Award". This was due to my high tennis shorts. To see more of the costumes check out my photography website at http://www.michaelscottphoto.blogspot.com/!! Or to see them all.. go to http://albums.phanfare.com/6394541/2874484#imageID=50305743!

No Tomato = No Mayo

2008-10-18T18:14:00.000-06:00

Hey Guys!

Sorry its been a bit. Work is going good! I absolutely hated this week. I had to bag every shift this week. LAME! I hate bagging with almost everything in me. Last week i was lucky enough to cashier every shift. But the future is lookin bright. Well.. atleast next week anyways. Next week i get to cashier twice and only bag one shift! WOOHOO! I am getting to know a lot of the workers there and have found that i actually like them. Give or take a few. I only struggle with the ones i havent talked to a lot that have irritated me while on the clock. For instance.. I hate bagging for an older woman cause she always tries to correct how im baggin. I just wanna tell her to back off and rot in her coffin. Instead, i control myself and simply avoid baggin for her. I did enjoy watchin her fend for herself today without a bagger. I almost wonder if she burned the others bridges too haha! Then the other two people i dont like are just too serious and are all about more work less play. I always try to find a happy medium so that i can enjoy work while bein a good worker. However, these guys dont know the meanin of fun or know what its like to really laugh. I almost feel sorry for them. So strict and boring. oh well! I have found tons of workers that i feel could be potential friends. They are so awesome and friendly. Conversation is never a drag with them. The only other part of work that Iv enjoyed is participating in the help to promote the March of Dimes. This foundation helps to save babies and i love gettin multiple guests to donate. In fact, last week I helped to sell over 130 donation cards! That put me in second place in selling. I just few a few short behind someone who had been cashiering a lot more times than me. I was proud to move up behind the top seller in my only three days of cashiering.

As for my dating life.. It has finally begun to pick up and has been interesting. Girls are so strange. I thought i could figure them out but i soon realized every girl is different and figuring them out is a lot more difficult. Last night i was able to go on a triple date with Deedee and get this.. our parents! haha! We went to La Puente and then went home for cards, conversation, and pumpkin chocolate chip cookies :) We made the cookies before headin out to dinner. Ill admit i was a bit skeptical at first but it was a blast. Her mom was an absolute crack up! The other date I went on was with Codi and we were able to go to the first game held at the new soccer stadium in sandy to watch Real vs the NY Red Bulls. She asked me to go with her and enjoy the game with front row seats! We then retired back to get some food at Arbys and probably laughed out more food than we consumed haha! Funny story was ordering our food. I had asked for a chicken sandwich without a tomato. When sittin down to eat without any surprise realized they forgot to take it off. Most places always seem to forget. Youd think theyd appreciate having one less thing to put on.. Nope! Anyways so after takin a couple bites realized.. I had no mayo. I asked Codi if she did and infact she did. We looked at the recipe and it said NO TOMATO. However, the person must have heard wrong and skipped the mayo haha! We laughed for a while over the misunderstanding.
Tomorrow is the annual Halloween Party at my aunt Mary's house that i am ecstatic for! I have been countin down the days! I love that party. I will be sure to post pictures up soon of the costumes :)

The Day Finally Came...And A Bit More

2008-10-05T21:50:00.000-06:00

Haha Saturday at work i excitedly walked in ready to tackle on the never ending groceries in my farmer attire. I first had to check my schedule so I could work around possible photo shoots and tending a beautiful baby to later on discover my name on a random sheet. As i picked it up to see what it was i discovered i was put on duty for the third zone at my work. What are zones? They are two hour cleaning routines done by the workers. They have four zones each day (8 hours worth of cleaning) with one worker assigned a two hour shift. I read what i was expected to do.. the list went as follows: Clean bathrooms (all four), take out garbages (including bins outside by the shopping carts), take backs, wipe of ad stands, clean breakroom. That was the list i had to accomplish in two hours! I hadnt been trained to do a zone yet and no seemed to care. So i desperately ran around askin for help on understanding what was needed to be done for each job. Luckily a few workers had pity on me and took the time to show me supplies and where to go and what to clean. So off i went to face one of my biggest phobias.. the public restrooms. I hate public restrooms and refuse to use them unless at the unimaginable extremes. (iv been there a couple times!) So i wiped down crusted pee from the bottom and the pubic hair off the top of the toilets. Gagging in the process. Trash wasnt much better. Due to the rain storm i had to dump drenched garbage bags into my grocery cart. Most of the bins seemed to be missing trash liners and i had to hand dig out soggy food, newspapers, and drinks. Truly disgusting. However, once that was done it was smooth sailing. haha! take backs and cleanin the breakroom was a breeze. All this cleaning mind you was inbetween my two cart shifts which consists of bringing the carts back in from outside. Doin that in a rain storm... wasnt so fun. I got drenched and was dripping. My clothes were cold and wet for the majority of my shift. The only fun part that brought joy to my day at work was having my cute cousin Maria come for a surprise visit. Luckily she came to my line and i was able to bag her groceries and help her unload them in her car.. haha and forgettin her turkey was an embarrassment but luckily shes easygoin and forgiving haha! She got it back of course i just had to make a mad dash back into the store before it got taken back. Haha so even though i made a fool of myself it was still the highlight haha!

As for today, I was able to visit my grandparents for a short while. My mom went back to talk to my grandma as i got to visit with my grandpa in the living room. We got to talkin and he told me some amazing stories. I absolutely love my grandpa. Sure he can seem a bit intimidating but he's sweet at heart. We got talkin about finding a future companion. He then told me about how he met my grandma. I tried to fight back the tears as i watched his eyes fill with tears talkin about the truly great story. His eyes swelled up at his mentioning of her greatness. He said she was everything he wanted and more. That she is a jewel and how happy he is to have her and couldnt wait to spend eternity with her. It was such a wonderful afternoon spent with my grandpa that i will never forget. I just hope that one day i will be as lucky to find a beautiful wife to go to the temple with and be married for time and all eternity. I too hope that ill spend all my years with a loving spouse and wonderful family as he has. I only pray that ill be able to find the woman to love me so much that she will be able to give up certain things for my safety. Im not the easiest person to live with. With my allergy to nuts being so severe, my wife and kids will have to live without nuts and peanut butter in our home. For fear of causin a deathly reaction. So many people have died from the kiss of a loved one who ate nuts. I am not wantin to take those risks. My family will also have to live without pets (excluding fish, but theyre just a pain to upkeep, trust me iv done it all). Hopefully they will understand and be considerate.

I guess i need not to worry about that right now. I have enough to stress me out as is. My mission is coming up in january and wont be easy with my allergies either. Just the thought of leavin everyone i love pains me. Tears fill my eyes everytime i think about leaving them. I am so close to my extended family as well as intermediate that i dont know how ill do it. I hope they all know how much i truly love and appreciate them. They are amazing.

Just a brief on my dating life.. Haha! It has been non existent for the longest time. I have been so caught up in my studies over the past two years that i havent been able to date much. With my decision to finish my associates early i made the sacrifice of havin a job. Having a job means money and havin money means dates :) Now that i have a job i hope to awaken my dating life from its long hybernation haha! The search for my future companion continues. :)

Workin' At Maceys While Enjoying Life!

2008-10-03T23:10:00.000-06:00

Hey,
So I have finally finished bagger training. Thank goodness that is over. With that I have picked up some tips on how to bag as well as appreciation for baggers and all the work they do. I had no idea they did so much for the store. I simply thought all they did was ask "paper or plastic?". haha little did i know that they not only bag your groceries, but they also bring in the carts, they assist guests in unloading their groceries, they stock the shelves with take backs, they take turns cleaning the store (havent had to do that yet luckily ) and thats just bagging. Next week I will receive checking training so that I can also be a cashier. That was the idealic job for me. Ive always wanted to use the cash register and the scanner haha "beep!" Tomorrow will be the last day of my first week and I am so excited. Tomorrow is farm days at Maceys and the workers are required to dress like farmers! Im so excited to throw on some jeans and a flannel shirt! Its like Halloween at work! I love Halloween! Which reminds me..
Halloween is one of my favorite holidays! Who doesnt like to dress up in funny costumes and fill your mouths with the seasonal foods and candies such as candy corn and pumpkin chocolate chip cookies which my mom and aunt Mary make which are DELICIOUS!! This year I decided to be something that represents me and the things I like to do but with spin on it. I will be sure to upload the photos of my costume when that day comes. Actually, im sure ill have pictures on the 19th which is our family party. Really lookin forward to it!
Whats the latest besides work and my impatience for Halloween to come? A couple photo shoots :) This past week I was fortunate enough to take not only the photos of my cute parents for my dad's birthday, but I also took my favorite cousin Maria's family photo! They are the cutest family with the sweet addition of Kensie Joy. We took the photos up at Silver Lake in Little Cottonwood Canyon. A truly beautiful location in the fall season. To see the photos check out my website @ www.michaelscottphoto.blogspot.com!! I was hoping to do a couple more photos this weekend up at our cabin but with the weather lookin so terrible and work's schedule.. canceled. Another day though perhaps. Other than that... my life has been pretty boring.
I never realized how much the little things done by friends could mean so much. It's amazing what ya take for granted. With the loss of my closest friends to college I have spent many of my nights alone fillin up on popcorn while watchin a movie or editing my latest pictures. My friends are all gone and busy. We rarely text and is more rare to hang out. So now whenever i receive a text i get so excited! Haha when you all live close and go to school together you tend to book your weekends and find time to study for certain tests. Now with them all gone.. I have no texts.. and no plans! Thats why i decided to get a job. I was tired of laying around the house eating to fill up my pointless days and feelin depressed. Now with me workin hopefully i can meet new people to do fun things with.
However, findin friends is never easy. Ya gotta build them from scratch, share common interests, enjoy hangin out and talkin with one another. I have gone out to try and meet new people but have been unsuccessful. For the most part I seem to attract the crazy dramatic types. Ugh. Making friends has always been an easy thing for me.. keeping them.. is another. I tend to go through friends like salt water taffy on the fourth of july parade. Ya easily get them, try them out, and if ya dont like them.. chuck the wrapper and try the next one. Its rare to find the ones ya like. Not that I dont enjoy the few I have here still. Tyler Dunyon, a close friend since elementary is still here and we go bowlin and walkin atleast every week. Taylor Yates, my tennis buddy, challenges me to matches around two times a week which i love doing! Other than that.. everyone is either too busy or not around. Its rough. But its life. Life goes on and the chapters have to be written with out without them right? So not that im not grateful for my family who is always there for me and my few friends that are here. Its just.. its not enough to fulfil my needs. I get lonely and easily depressed. So anything helps really. Thats the main reason for beginning this blog. It makes me feel like im in a way talkin to people and it feels good. I guess its what comes with bein easily entertained and in desperate need of conversation. Anyways.. this blog started out so cheerful and happy and is ending on a bad note.. Quick subject change! haha!
Anyways, my days are pretty good! Not what im typically used to.. but good! I finally can go hiking when i want, jog when i want, play tennis when i have a partner, and take pictures when i have someone to shoot haha! Its nice to be able to finally sleep in. Something i hadnt done in two years! Thankfully, with this new job i get to meet and be friendly to hundreds of people every day and be appreciated for the things I am doin. And it feels good :)

Maceys? For Real?!

2008-09-26T23:10:00.000-06:00

So this upcoming Monday will be orientation at my new job. Maceys. No not the clothing store. The grocery store. Exciting? Haha we'll find out. So for those of you who know me and for those of you who dont.. this is a shock. To be honest, working at a grocery store was the last place I thought I would end up. I thought that with finishing my associates degree at a young age and having straight A's would lead me into gettin a jump start in my future career. Especially, gettin paid a decent wage.
Earlier I was hired at Aperture Marketing... oh yeah. for one day! The WORST job i have ever been in. I have always enjoyed marketing and advertising. I thought this would be a good start. I found myself walking the streets of downtown for 11 hours on solely commision. My arm pits and back were dripping with sweat all down my nice business clothes. My legs were ready to fall off, my confidence..diminished by the constant "no's", and the thought of only gettin paid $50 for a day of utter heck. Needless to say i quit that day and felt relief.
I then with the idea of a friend decided to begin my own photography business. I am aware im still new to photography but thought id give it a shot with low prices. Luckily, i got a few jobs with high school tennis teams, my niece jadyn, my beautiful second cousin kensie, and a couple tennis girls. This then led up to the idea of applying at a photography business. I applied at JC Penney's Portrait Studio. I got an interview and they wanted me to come work for them. However, i was unwilling to work on sundays. I knew the Lord would provide for me if i did whats right.
I then decided on applying at some places not open on sundays. This led to Maceys. I applied online hoping to be a cashier at either the Sandy or West Jordan location. I get a call a couple days later regarding a dairy stocking position open at the West Jordan store. I decide "what the heck, iv got nothin to lose" plus im dyin of boredom at home. So i go to the interview.
When i was approached by the managers i got told how attractive i am and how i was dressed nicely. I laughed my way into the interview. We got to talking. I was interviewed by Jennifer and Josh. After conversing for a while she tells me.. " Ive changed my mind, after looking at you and getting the feeling youre outgoing, I think you would be a perfect fit upfront." I was so excited to hear that as she offered me the cashiering job! Who woulda thought dressing nice and lookin good could get ya a better job? haha!! I was dreading the thought of being a dairy stocker. I like the idea of being able to work upfront at the cash register meeting new people. Sure i might have to bag on occasion but i dont mind. They are staring me at $8.50 an hour. Not bad. I was expecting lower :) So yeah! Monday is orientation and tuesday is training. I look forward to becoming a Maceys employee. Its gonne get me out of the house and put a little extra cash in my empy wallet. No complaints on that! Ill be sure to update on how the job is going in a couple days.

Meeting Michael

2008-09-26T20:27:00.000-06:00

Hey There,

My name is Michael Scott Sandberg and I am starting my first personal blog. Exciting? I guess we'll find out. I hope for it to become a journal of my crazy moments of life. In addition, some of my strange personal thoughts, ideas, and feelings. Life seems to be full of funny twists and surprises. I intend to record them down for all to enjoy. So brace yourself to experience life in the shoes of a blunt-tennis playing-photo taking-funky guy. Enjoy :)

Interesting Facts About Myself:

Allergic to all mammals, birds, fresh fruits, fresh vegetables, pollen, dust mites, cigarettes, raw egg yolks, and DEATHLY ALLERGIC to ALL nuts!
I graduated in the top 5% of my high school class and finished my associates degree with a 4.0 two months after graduating high school.
Love- tennis, photography, jogging, exercising, competition, playing sports, playing games, upbeat music, family, friends, good conversation, people watching, watching a movie with a bowl of smart pop popcorn, laughin to tears or wheezing, singing while cruising in the car, making a difference in peoples lives, cheering up the sad, the gospel, Jesus Christ, my Heavenly Father, to learn, getting down on the dance floor, and living life to the best of my ability taking it one day at a time.
Hate- the dark, feeling alone, depression, gaining weight, being confused, fake people, grungy chicks, secrets, feeling unclean, small talk, losing, zits, stains, and being bored.
I am easily entertained, yet quickly bored. I love things being fast paced and things constantly moving. I cant sit still, nor can I whisper. I am a daydreamer and have attention deficit. Reading is almost impossible with my attention span.
I am looking for the perfect girl to love and complete me. I know she is out there and am impatiently waiting. I love little kids and cant wait to have my own someday. However, no rush! I'd like to have returned from my mission, finished a bachelors degree, and startin my career first.
Random: I have had two mole removals. Both doctors sucked!! One scar looks like the beginning of a fat roll, the other a glowing worm on the side of my knee.
I used to be 200 lbs two years ago! I am now an almost satified weight at 157 lbs. I would love to be 150 or atleast 155. Its a constant tug of war on the scale. Oh well.

Well, thats gonna do it for this one haha!